Wednesday, March 25, 2015
As I continue to enhance my own self-care skills I notice a profound transformation unfolding within me. My feeling of being armored against the world is fading away.
It is very difficult for me to identify when I first began to feel armored against the world. I believe my decision to armor myself against the world beyond my skin was an unconscious one that took place very early in my development. I don't know how it could really have been any other way considering the circumstances of the earliest years of my life. Bearing unwitting witness to a parent suffering a severe breakdown (which effectively permanently changes her life) is a frightening experience regardless of your own age. But it's even more terrible for little children to witness.
The gradually thawing landscape of Minnesota serves as an apt metaphor for my own interior growth process. The outer world is now mirroring my inner world. I can now set aside the hard edged armor I wore for so many years. But I don't have to cast my armor away completely. I can keep it with me for use in times of difficulty. But I will no longer wear it all the time.
Wearing armor can be an adaptive and comforting coping mechanism when you feel alone, unsupported or misunderstood in a world you perceive (correctly or incorrectly) as uncaring. The world can sometimes feel as harsh as a respectable Minnesota winter.
As the return of the color green begins to announce the inevitable turning of the seasons I feel myself finally beginning to lighten up. The growing light is filling up my own soul.
I can finally easily believe the truth that my conscious recovery process will one day reach a terminus in which I will no longer feel the need to seek out the support of weekly psychotherapy.
As I continue to enhance my own self-care skills I notice a profound transformation unfolding within me. My feeling of being armored against the world is fading away.
It is very difficult for me to identify when I first began to feel armored against the world. I believe my decision to armor myself against the world beyond my skin was an unconscious one that took place very early in my development. I don't know how it could really have been any other way considering the circumstances of the earliest years of my life. Bearing unwitting witness to a parent suffering a severe breakdown (which effectively permanently changes her life) is a frightening experience regardless of your own age. But it's even more terrible for little children to witness.
The gradually thawing landscape of Minnesota serves as an apt metaphor for my own interior growth process. The outer world is now mirroring my inner world. I can now set aside the hard edged armor I wore for so many years. But I don't have to cast my armor away completely. I can keep it with me for use in times of difficulty. But I will no longer wear it all the time.
Wearing armor can be an adaptive and comforting coping mechanism when you feel alone, unsupported or misunderstood in a world you perceive (correctly or incorrectly) as uncaring. The world can sometimes feel as harsh as a respectable Minnesota winter.
As the return of the color green begins to announce the inevitable turning of the seasons I feel myself finally beginning to lighten up. The growing light is filling up my own soul.
I can finally easily believe the truth that my conscious recovery process will one day reach a terminus in which I will no longer feel the need to seek out the support of weekly psychotherapy.
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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!