Wednesday, March 18, 2015


Wednesday, March 18, 2015

I witnessed a breathtaking sunrise this morning.  And this happened after I found another awesome image featuring the sun while perusing my Facebook account this morning.  It seems as if my eyesight continues to somehow improve.  The world appears sharper, brighter and more wondrous with each passing day.  I suspect this is what happens when the legacy of trauma finally begins to heal up inside your very being.  The world begins to look quite different.

So I find myself contemplating a value that inspires mixed and strong feelings.  That value is belonging.  The antithesis of belonging would seem to be alienation.  I often felt alienated as a younger man.  And this was certainly true when I was a teenager.  It has been too common a feeling of mine to feel as if I am still cleaning up the mess done to my own mind due to the eventful circumstances of my childhood. Put differently I feel as if I am still cleaning up the consequences of my father's choices from many, many years ago.

Now some might perceive me as engaging in a game of blame.  And I can see how it could be easy to conclude I am doing this.  And yet anyone who deeply delves into my life history would probably better understand why I feel as I do.  It has been difficult for me to feel as if I belong anywhere in particular.

I have a mother of German origin who is a citizen of Germany.  My father was born and raised in Arkansas.  My father met my mother while studying in Europe one summer.  The state of Arkansas has been getting some bad press lately due to the interesting pronouncements of one Tom Cotten.  For those of you not in the know Cotten is a Republican senator whose opinions on a variety of policy issues fall on the decidedly conservative side of the political spectrum.  I grew up in Texas.  I felt like an outsider much of the time.  Why?  Check out this article to understand why.  In my opinion Texas culture has some of the most warped conceptions of masculinity and personal freedoms I have ever been privy to.  It's my sense that far too many men associate the strength of their masculinity with their ability to carry a gun in view of the public.  In the minds of some men carrying a gun somehow makes you a bigger, better, more authentic man.  I would laugh more about this if I didn't find it so ridiculous.

I have enjoyed the fortune of being able to travel to many places in my life.  I have seen the beauty of places as diverse as Hawaii, Norway, Germany and Spain.  There are many more places I would like to see.  I have worked with Native American people.  My exposure to an immense variety of cultures has been an immense gift.  Many people will never enjoy some of the opportunities I have enjoyed.  My travel experience had the effect of broadening my world view.  I thus find it difficult to abide myopia as well as the fear many people can all too easily feel when they live out their whole lives in one corner of the world.

Feeling that you truly belong is something I believe is an important piece of the personal health puzzle. It is something that I am still working on to this day.

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!