Monday, April 7, 2014

Another Step in the Journey


Monday, April 7, 2014


Today was my first day attending a week-long training at the North Minneapolis Workforce Center.  Our facilitator made reference to the importance of the self-talk we conduct each day.  As she spoke on this topic I remembered the power of creative visualization and the related teachings of Neville.  I was introduced to Neville’s teachings several years ago when I still lived in California.

It’s obvious to me that my attitude and self-concept is the truest source of the quality of my life.  I have known this to be true for many years but perhaps it was time for a refreshing reminder about this truth.  It’s a genuine gift to be reminded of this.


It’s now 5:30 pm as I write.  I’m taking the ‘deluxe’ express bus over to Minneapolis.  Buses with plush, deep blue colored seats are buses I call deluxe.  There actually quite lovely after a long day…or a short one.

The days are finally long enough now that the sun stands high in the sky at this hour.  The snow cover of winter is finally essentially gone.  Old Man Winter’s remains lurk in the shadows on the north sides of buildings; the sun is simply too strong to allow them to remain in the light of day.  I am looking forward to the beautiful return of the color green.  I see bits and pieces of it here and there now.  The last frost of the season has most certainly not taken place yet but hearty plants now seem likely able to survive.

I find myself weaving in and out of sadness.  Just how long is the season of grief when you fully recover from the type of un-chosen personal history that I have?  Can I really expect to work through the immense grief I have in a mere year when I am reaching back through decades of time to address my earliest wounds?  When does the pain soften to the point that its sharp edge is dulled and no longer cuts me?  When does that day come that my earliest wounds no longer seems susceptible to ooze.  When will the light finally cast out the dark past?  I remind myself again and again that healing is a process and that it takes time.  I hope I will have the time necessary not only to heal but to move beyond having my life so focused on my healing journey.

I’m going to be playing detective with my therapist in the coming weeks.  I cannot easily predict how long this deeper journey will last.  Healing is not linear.  The journey to renewed or greater wholeness winds and sometimes circles back on itself.  Sometimes, for whatever reason, we may feel compelled to revisit old wounds that never really healed shortly after we developed them.  And yet this process can and should ideally be different from wallowing in pain.  I believe it is possible to attend to old wounds and grief without being swallowed by them.  One can transmute darkness without becoming engulfed in it.  That is my great challenge.


Five Things I Am Grateful For

New opportunities
Public transportation
The ability to change
My enjoyment of writing
Making new connections


1 comment:

  1. "Therapy is not enough, meditation is not enough. Only by taking a new psychological seat and developing the ability to stay there do we understand, transcend, and transform the trauma, grief, and depression of our lives. As the Buddha said these are gifts that have been given to you, have the courage to open them and share them with the world." - Yudo R. Yorga

    ReplyDelete

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