Thursday, July 30, 2015

Shimmering Beauty

Thursday, July 30, 2015


I know I have written about it on many occasions here in my blog but it's difficult to resist continuing to express my joy and awe at how vivid and crisp the world appears to me. Having clear vision is a truly wonderful gift. So many people do not enjoy the gift of clear vision.

My AmeriCorps pre-service orientation training ends tomorrow morning. The training will be concluded by a ceremony in which new members take an oath of service. My first day on-site with my host organization will be next Wednesday.

While enjoying the beauty of the clear sky and low humidity earlier today I noticed myself thinking about what it must have been like when Lewis and Clark reached the Pacific Ocean. Did the anticipation of the beauty and breadth of seeing this largest of the world's oceans drive them on day after day? Beauty can motivate us to do many things.


Tuesday, July 28, 2015

And Now For A Detour

Tuesday, July 28, 2015


I have heard a joke in the time I have lived in Minnesota that there are essentially only two seasons here in Minnesota. Those seasons are winter and construction. It seems this summer has been an especially bad 'construction season'. I don't recall there being quite so many road work related signs, torn up streets and the like as I have seen this warm season. The word 'detour' seems a natural part of the urban lexicon here in Minnesota.

I am taking my own professional detour as of today. Today was the beginning of my AmeriCorps PSO (pre-service orientation). We received a handbook that serves as a guide for the next three days. I found some interesting resources listed inside to stimulate a discussion on the topic of poverty. I have previously written about poverty here in my blog. In particular I have written about the relationship between poverty and wealth, how trauma may influence our choices, the interrelationship between poverty, trauma and disenfranchisement and the challenge of overcoming hardship with less than optimal resources. It's relatively easy to talk about poverty these days in America because it's becoming a concern among a growing percentage of Americans. You can see this concern evidenced in some of the coverage regarding the 2016 presidential election.

So what is poverty? How do you define it? Do you customarily think of poverty in strictly or primarily monetary terms? Or is poverty something much more complex and thus more difficult to alleviate? Do you think about poverty in terms of relationships? For example, if you were offered a great job in another city or far distant from where you live (or have ever lived) would you consider taking it? What measures would you use to assess the value of such an opportunity? In other words, how would you determine its worth? What about relationships? How important are quality relationships to you? Do you consider yourself impoverished if your life is devoid of meaningful, mutually enhancing relationships? And how does health intersect with poverty? What priority does your health have? How can you even enjoy the access and other benefits of being a wealthy person if you lack the health to enjoy it?


When I personally think about poverty and my own life I have some of the following thoughts:


  • I find myself easily wishing I had discovered EMDR earlier in my life. Had this happened I might have taken a very different course with my life. But then again I can still potentially do that.
  • I wonder if I will actually see my birthmother alive again. My parents are reaching that age when I might be able to easily count the number of times I can realistically expect to see them on one or both hands.
  • I wonder if I will ever have a measure of financial security.
  • I think about how my desire for greater financial success may ultimately impact my ability to achieve other goals. Relationships are becoming more meaningful to me. It has thus become more natural for me to ponder how professional decisions may impact my personal life.
  • I wonder if the United States of America is going to continue sliding in the direction of being a "Third World" nation. As I consider this possibility I am simultaneously aware that the term "Third World" tends to have a pejorative connotation that I don't much care for. Because happiness isn't completely determined by wealth and access to opportunity I do believe it's possible to be content anywhere on the planet.
  • I am grateful for my health insurance. Had I not had the insurance I have carried the last two years I might have found myself utterly destitute at one point. My health has become immensely valuable to me.


I haven't written much in my blog lately. I haven't felt that motivated partly because I see and feel the need to change the focus of my ongoing writing journey. Something new is coming to be. I am excited by what is coming into being in my life!

I might take a new turn and start more deeply exploring the topic of the interrelationship of poverty and trauma.





Sunday, July 26, 2015

A Remembrance of Things Past

Sunday, July 26, 2015


Yesterday was the anniversary of the passing of my paternal grandmother. It's been twenty-two years since my grandmother passed away.

I thought of my grandmother this past Friday when I was in downtown Minneapolis. I took some strawberries to work with me as a snack. After work I found myself briefly visiting St. Olaf Catholic Church. I was bored while waiting for the bus so I decided to hide inside a place that had both air-conditioning as well as some artistic beauty. The backdrop of the quiet sanctuary as well as my strawberries got me to thinking of this time I picked strawberries with my grandmother when I was a small boy. I can remember I enjoyed it quite a bit. I also remember learning that my grandfather tended to pick only those berries he could easily see. He would thus leave many berries unpicked.

I wish my grandparents had lived longer so they could have been a part of my life in my adulthood. All my grandparents had passed away before I turned twenty-one years old. Some people are fortunate to have their grandparents be a part of their lives well into their adulthoods. I still miss my grandmother. It's a little strange to me that I have now lived more of my life without her in my life than I did with her. Time can pass so quickly.

Tonight, while walking outside, I found myself recalling the warm, humid nights common in the South in the summer. It was that warm here in Minnesota tonight. I appreciated that I need to move on and spend less time recalling what I did not do in the past. Regret and sadness is not something to fill the mind and heart with.

I feel myself very much moving on now. It's been quite a process to reach this point of departure. But I feel myself finally and deeply ready to begin a new phase in my life.


Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Take a Chance...While You Can

Wednesday, July 22, 2015


My mother just had her birthday. She is in her late sixties now. I sent her a birthday card last week. I wonder if I will ever see her again. When I consider the very real possibility that I will never see her again it gives me pause to ponder the ephemeral quality of life.

There are times in life when an opportunity comes along only once. In fact this may be the norm rather than the exception. I have been reflecting on the reality of opportunities lately as I plan to take my next step forward and begin working as an AmeriCorps servicemember next week. I am already thinking beyond the next twelve months. I believe this is a wise strategy considering I already have a lengthy professional history.

As the sky darkens outside on this late July evening I am aware of the many possibilities I never pursued as well as the possibilities that still remain. I suppose this is still more evidence that I am truly now in the second half of my life.


Sunday, July 19, 2015

The Lifting of a Cloud

Sunday, July 19, 2015


Something inside me has finally shifted. A fundamental transformation of who I am seems to have reached a crucial milestone. I was aware of this internal shift throughout my day today.

While visiting the home of a friend (who hosted an anniversary party for a local club) I found myself unexpectedly marveling at the beauty of sunlight on water. This capacity to experience genuine wonder is something I would like to believe we are all imbued with by virtue of being human. Some of us are fortunate enough to have sufficiently safe, functional childhoods such that we can develop our capacity for curiosity and wonder in our earliest years. Some people are not so fortunate.

For those people like myself who fall into the latter category the discovery of experiencing unexpected wonder and joy later in life can be quite jarring. I know feeling joy in the experience of simple pleasures (such as the beauty of sunlight illuminating the world on a summer day) has often completely knocked me off kilter many times in the last two years. Feeling so present and carefree such that I could experience wonder has not been a real familiar experience. I don't think this is at all unusual if you have experienced an early life history that included feeling stalked by one of your own parents as I did.

In the nine days since I last took sertraline I have felt as if an immense cloud has been vaporizing. It feels different to experience the world from inside my own skull. And though I am skilled at writing and communicating I nonetheless struggle to articulate what it feels like to be me lately. It feels as if the very cells of my body are separating from one another. My inner world doesn't feel so...crowded. I have more space in my interior life. A crowd of sorrows is no longer consuming me. How normal can a person actually feel when a cloud of unhealed trauma that has long shadowed his life finally dissolves? I find myself asking that question a lot. Even after two years I still find myself asking that question.

During a walk I took late this afternoon I found myself consumed only with my appreciation of the present moment. I appreciated my ability to walk, the sunshine and wind on my face and the beauty of the green world around me.






Saturday, July 18, 2015

A Quiet Saturday

Saturday, July 18, 2015


There was nothing especially remarkable about today. The withdrawal symptoms I seemed to have this past week have subsided. I went to the gym today. And in doing so I could tell how long it has been since I had regularly been going to the YMCA. It was nice to feel invigorated during and after my exercise.

I am going to continue writing my blog but it's clear the time has come for me to decisively change my focus. I am going to focus more extensively on current news stories and other topics that may have a connection with the issue of trauma in particular and health in general.


Friday, July 17, 2015

When You Fear Your Own Parents

Friday, July 17, 2015


Something happened today that reminded me of the hardship and fear that characterized all too much of my earliest years of life. My former landlord (2013) visited an online profile I have on a website. This is not the first time he has done so.

The back story on this man is a sad example of someone with poor boundaries. Given his behavior it is easy for me to speculate that he might even have a learning disability or a personality disorder. I met him not long after I moved to Minneapolis in 2012. He was (and perhaps still is) a member of the Twin Cities Gay Men's Chorus. I (unwisely) trusted him due in part to his membership in this organization. In April, 2013 I became his tenant. I was unwise in that I failed to do any substantial background research on the man before I moved into his home. By the end of 2013 I found myself regretting my decision to place so much trust in the man. He essentially evicted me as what would prove to be the coldest winter in three decades was about to start here in the Twin Cities. And then I subsequently learned more details regarding his negligent care of his dogs.

The passage of sufficient time in combination with the extensive therapy I underwent allows me to see this past period of my life history in a clear and dispassionate way. I didn't do enough research on the man to ensure he would be a good landlord. I trusted that his membership in an organization I was briefly active in was sufficient testament to his character. I was quite mistaken. Despite my repeatedly expressed wishes that he completely leave me alone he has repeatedly visited one of my online profiles. So this evening I decided to take the next step. I reported him to the administrator of the website and requested that he be banned from the site. I am not sure when I will receive a reply to my message.

My old feelings of anger, resentment, outrage and, yes, even fear rose up inside me a few hours ago when I saw he had visited my profile yet again. His invasive behavior is disrespectful. And it reminds me of other people whom I have feared. His stalking behavior reminded me of the unhealthy behaviors of my biological parents.

As a result of this unexpected incident I found myself able to put very clear words to my feelings I had when I was a kid. There were times when I felt genuinely stalked by my mother. It's a horrible thing for a child to witness one of his own parents suffer a mental health breakdown. And it's even more tragic when that parent engages in self-destructive behavior that includes violence directed at a spouse, destruction of property and the unwelcome pursuit of a child. I witnessed all of these when I was a kid. I didn't feel safe throughout much of my childhood. This is a very real tragedy. Getting involved with untrustworthy people decades later is still more tragic.

Sometimes we make mistakes as a form of learning. I certainly have had this journey in my own life. Through repeatedly making mistakes based in living with poor boundaries I have learned how crucial healthy boundaries are. Sometimes we learn 'the hard way'.

I occasionally wish I could go back into my life history and change some of the choices I have made. Perhaps I would not find myself living as I am now. Perhaps I would not have plunged into a two year long period that positively buffeted my heart and mind. But here I am exiting that time and looking forward to a much brighter future. I have worked with immense diligence to reach this point. It's now been a week that I have once again been 'an unmedicated American'.

What happened this evening got me to thinking about the correlation between being stalked and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I did an initial google search and found some excellent resources on the subject. I will write more about this issue this weekend.

As for now I plan to focus on breathing and relaxing. I was very upset earlier this evening. Defending myself against chaos, violence and disrespectful behavior can be so demanding and exhausting.




Thursday, July 16, 2015

The Unmedicated Americans


Thursday, July 16, 2015

So today is the sixth day since I stopped taking sertraline last Friday. Given that sertraline has a half-life of approximately one day there is now not even 2% of the quantity in my system as compared to this time last Thursday morning shortly after I took my daily dosage. I have been attempting to bring a mindful approach to the process of adjusting to life as one of that pool of people called "the unmedicated Americans". I think, unfortunately, there are far too many Americans who are medicated and even overly medicated. And perhaps maybe, just maybe, the ones who most need to actually be medicated are the many clowns from the GOP who are announcing their intentions to run for President.

This is not the first time I am going off sertraline but I do intend it to be the last time. Unlike previous periods of my life that were very difficult I do believe the health care I sought out these last two years was profoundly effective in fully healing the impacts of the trauma I experienced in the earliest years of my life.

I don't recall experiencing withdrawal symptoms when I went off setraline previously. This time seems a bit different. Or perhaps I am (also) simply much more mindful about my body and aware of how I am feeling each and every day. I have been having minor and brief episodes in which I feel dizzy. This is apparently a not uncommon withdrawal symptom. The only other major undesirable is the weight gain I seem to have experienced due in part to taking sertraline. I seem to have a small tire around my midsection now. I'll be working to eliminate that.

I feel myself to be a in very contemplative place now. I suppose you could like it to what some people experience when they emerge from a shelter to discover a devastated landscape after a storm has roared through...and nonetheless feel grateful to have survived. The last two years sometimes felt a bit like that for me.

Journeys like what I have just completed have a way of giving a person something called *perspective*. I look around at the world and still see plenty of issues such as pettiness, greed, misplaced priorities and the like. As for myself I feel my own priorities are now probably the best they have ever been. At some point in the last two years I entered what Richard Rohr calls the Second Half of life. I wonder what I will do with my second half. I certainly have some exciting ideas and plans.

I have learned a lot these last two years.

Monday, July 13, 2015

What A Mess

Monday, July 13, 2015


I found myself thinking of Europe today. My mother's birthday is next week. I bought a birthday card for her while I was in downtown Minneapolis today. I also was thinking of Europe due to the events taking place in Greece in particular and in Europe in general.

It's not exactly an encouraging time to be a member state of the European Union. European unity appears to be seriously damaged despite efforts to keep Greece within the eurozone. I have been reading a number of articles from the New York Times throughout the last several weeks. As the crisis has dragged on the details of its parameters as well as the different policy solutions proposed have continued to confuse me. It seems taking a long view is difficult for many bureaucrats.

An editorial in today's New York Times summarized the recent deal crafted after lengthy efforts between the numerous concerned parties. It seems the 'treatment' for what ails Europe could quite likely be worse than the affliction itself. Many people commenting on recent articles have referenced the phrase 'kicking the can down the road'. I do indeed think an appropriate (sustainable) solution is being avoided in favor of something that will buy some time in the short-term but not ultimately address the systemic issues at play.

A policy of rigorous austerity seems unlikely to reverse the contraction of the Greek economy. And without economic expansion it seems unlikely Greece will find itself able to create the wealth necessary to ultimately climb out of its enormous debt any time within the next several years. Greece could indeed be facing something like the lost decade Japan experienced in the 1990s. But Greece seems likely to experience something much worse. Perhaps they will experience an entire lost generation.

I wrote the following in response to the NYT article that detailed the last minute efforts which culminated some twenty-four hours ago:

It saddens me to read this article. I have been following the Eurozone/Greece debacle for some time now. I don't care how the media spins it there will be no real winners in this charade. Why? Because human pettiness is on full display in the actions of all concerned.

Should Greece have been admitted to the euro currency union? Apparently not. Have the Greeks or Europe learned that austerity is *not* the way to run an economy that is recovering from a massive downturn? Apparently not. (I am not an economist but anyone who has taken a basic economics course as I have should know that running deficits is more appropriate when you're in a recession or depression - otherwise you risk never stimulating your economy sufficiently to decisively leave such dark times behind) Is Germany being overly punitive? I think so. Are the Greeks responsible for this mess? Yes. Are the Germans? Yes. Are the bankers? Yes.

My disgust is all the more heightened by the fact of my own circumstances. Having completed graduate school four years ago I have struggled to find a job commensurate with my skills. I have looked in numerous markets here in the USA as well as abroad. Like Greece I am indebted. But unlike them I have not practiced tax evasion and the like. And yet I still feel screwed over.

Something is drastically wrong with our world. The worst qualities of capitalism are on full display in many places. Profits ahead of people lead to a world degraded in more ways than I can easily count.








Saturday, July 11, 2015

My Daily Dose of Life

Saturday, July 11, 2015


Today was the first day in over two years that I didn't take any medication whatsoever. I didn't notice any big difference in my affect. Perhaps I will notice subtle changes in the coming days and weeks. I hope my weight gain can be explained by the medication I was taking; I have more fat around my midsection than I would care to have. Now that I am no longer taking sertraline perhaps I will find my weight and body shape return to something a bit more familiar.

I read an article today about the epidemic of heroin related deaths that has grown in this country in recent years. It's sobering to read how many people have lost their lives to drug addiction. But it was encouraging to read that a new and more appropriate attitude about heroin addiction and treatment appears to be taking root in the United States. This is encouraging. I was also encouraged to read that the surviving friends and family members of those who have died are being increasingly forthright about the circumstances of those who have passed away. Breaking through the silence and shame associated with issues such as drug addiction and mental illness can be such an immense task. I wish more people were up to that task.

As for myself I can't help be reminded of the precious gift of time that I have when I read of the premature deaths of people who died of addiction in their twenties and thirties. The loss of life so early in a person's life leaves so many possibilities unexplored and unfulfilled.

I also had another experience today that I felt was beckoning me to pursue a certain direction in my future. I will write more about that soon.




Friday, July 10, 2015

Moving On To The Next Level

Friday, July 10, 2015


Today was an important day. It was the last day that I took sertraline as a means of supporting my health. I have been gradually titrating down on my daily dosage these last several months. I feel good about the fact that I am now rejoining the ranks of that population of Americans who live their daily lives in an unmedicated way.

I spent much of my day today doing landscaping for a friend. It was nice to enjoy the strength of the summer sun and feel myself to be stronger than I have been in a few years. I plan to continue seeing my therapist at least twice a month through the next twelve months. I am planning to do this as a form of preventative care. Though I no longer feel depressed (and have not felt depressed for a very long time now) I do still have a lingering sadness not unusual for someone who has experienced extensive trauma.


Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Greek and non-Greek Tragedies

Wednesday, July 8, 2015


“For more than 17 months, women, men and children have been senselessly suffering through an entirely man-made catastrophe,” the United Nations high commissioner for human rights, Zeid Ra’ad al-Hussein, said in late May.


Corruption, shortsightedness and greed have been on my mind lately. America has certainly been the site of some exciting news lately. The Supreme Court's decision to legalize same-sex marriage here in the United States has been an immense recent highlight. But there are some dark clouds of chaos and instability looming in many parts of the world. I have recently had a lot of free time on my hands as I wait for my AmeriCorps position to begin at the end of July. To pass the time I  have been reading a number of stories from the New York Times lately. Prominent current events include the following:


The Greece financial crisis - It appears the Greece financial crisis (which first began several years ago after the 'Great Recession' began) never really was resolved. A collapse of the Greek economy could unfold in the coming weeks. The crisis has escalated since the results of a referendum this past Sunday indicated a majority of Greeks said 'no' to the demands of its international creditors.

There is plenty of responsibility for the mess that is now consuming the attention of Europe. The culture of Greece certainly has played an important role in the unfolding misfortune. The fiscal sustainability of Greece is made more difficult by endemic issues such as tax evasion as well as a retirement age that many in the developed nations of the world could easily envy. Honestly, I am not familiar with any other developed nations where people can realistically expect to retire in their early 50s. Who could possibly afford that? It also doesn't help that new Finance Minister Euclid Tsakalotos failed to offer a detailed plan for consideration by finance ministers attending a meeting just yesterday.

And yet for all the compelling arguments that may be made about Greece's responsibility for its current mess it would be inaccurate and irresponsible to not also highlight other involved parties who play an influential role. Though I have not looked at financial data (that I would likely only be able to access were I an employee of the International Monetary Fund or the German government) relevant to the issue of Greece's fiscal reality it seems to me the assertion that the austerity policies required of Greece the last several years have made a bad situation much worse. I do not have a degree in economics but I can recall some of the important principles from coursework I did take in the subject matter. When a nation's economy is suffering a recession or depression an austerity policy may only hasten the unraveling of that state's economy. Investment must often be increased in poor economic times so the engine of a nation's economy can improve. This means that borrowing during hard times is more advisable than during times of prosperity. And yet the borrowing must be done within reasonable limits. It doesn't seem to be a realistic expectation to expect the Greek people to adhere to the sort of fiscal rectitude and conservatism typical of German culture.

I see a number of valid arguments as to why it would be wise for Germany and its allies to make some concessions of their own. These are the following:

The financial argument - The Greek economy is simply too weak to tolerate more rigorous austerity policies. I believe Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras was correct to describe Greece as 'an austerity laboratory'. The real GDP of Greece has shrunk some 26% since 2008. Gikas Hardouvelis, former finance minister of Greece (June 2014 to January 2015), believes a December 2014 assessment made by the I.M.F. and the European Central Bank that Greece had not done enough to merit continued funding support was a mistake. Had the IMF as well as the government of Mr. Tsipras made different decisions in the last six months Greece might have found itself in a very different position today. High rates of unemployment as well as an economy that is not especially diversified also will hinder economic recovery. Simply put, squeezing Greece even tighter to extract more payments on their debt seems likely to cause more harm than good.

The political argument - A Greece exit (Grexit) from the euro may ultimately lead to economic collapse in Greece. The consequences of such a collapse could include a humanitarian crisis whose cost could ultimately prove greater than the costs of somehow allowing Greece to remain a part of the euro currency union.

The historical argument - I think forgetting the broader geopolitical history of Europe would be a mistake. There was a time when Germany was a very weak state. These were the years immediately after World War II. After Germany was partitioned into a capitalist West and communist East the victorious Allied powers helped restore the (West) German economy through the implementation of the Marshall Plan. Insurmountable war reparations from World War I and a profound sense of national humiliation resulting from the Treaty of Versailles ultimately led to depression and hyperinflation within Germany. And these conditions served to catalyze the eventual rise of Hitler. Europe might have ultimately been spared the horror of World War II if Germany had been treated differently after World War I.

There is something to be said for offering compassion and assistance when a state is on the verge of becoming a failed state. I think the German people and leadership would be wise to remember this historical epoch when considering how to proceed with Greece. Greece has certainly not managed its finances well. It should thus bear some significant responsibility in whatever resolution of the crisis is ultimately chosen. But Germany can be a leader by putting people ahead of money.


So what would be a suite of suitable concessions? First and most important would be a deep write-down of Greece's debt. This is a response advocated by the article I quoted above that explores the historical issue. It seems the processes and standards that frame the work of organizations such as the International Monetary Fund should also be reviewed. If lending practices frequently cause more harm than good it seems very reasonable to insist upon a comprehensive review of related programs offered by groups such as the I.M.F.


The Horror in South Sudan - Having been affected by corruption in my own childhood I can empathize with those whose lives have been adversely impacted by the poor or illegal behavior of others. But what happens when you are a child growing up in a weak state riddled by corruption? What can your prospects possibly be when you are confronted with such circumstances from an early age? I was reflecting on such topics as I read about South Sudan.

South Sudan became a new nation only a few years ago. A June 2015 New York Times article describes most every type of hardship and inhumanity of man against man conceivable. At least as sobering is one of the primary sources of the conflict that is ravaging the nation...a personal political struggle between President Salva Kiir and his former vice president Riek Machar. Add to that the fact that the nation is highly dependent on its oil wealth and you have a potential recipe for geopolitical disaster.


Disinvestment in the United States - Here in the country of my birth there is a veritable daily deluge of news that would make even the strongest of us feel an urge to have a stiff drink. Most sobering for me was an editorial I read in the Star Tribune from this morning. As I have recently noted here in my writing I will be serving in AmeriCorps beginning later this month. The editorial notes that "Committees in both the U.S. House and Senate approved deep funding cuts that would shrink AmeriCorps in this (Minnesota) and every other state." Seventy-five thousand Americans are serving in AmeriCorps this year. From what I know of the program I believe the work I will do as a member of this cohort of people will prove to be quite a good investment.

An element of American culture I have long found perplexing is the apparent lack of significant positive correlation between how valuable a job may be to the sustainability of a community and its quality of life and the monetary compensation such a job provides. In other words why do some of the most important professions (such as teaching) often provide such minimal incentive to commit a lifetime to?


So what do the Greek financial crisis, the South Sudan conflict and disinvestment in the United States have in common? I believe they are all examples of what can unfold when we, either individually or as a collective, live according to unsustainable priorities. What is an unsustainable priority? I believe you could define such a priority as one that is inherently antithetical to basic human values such as safety, stability, kindness and compassion.

Sometimes I think the world is very much caught up in a spasm of ego-centrism. When I read the news selfishness and political division seems to be more the norm than the exception these days. And I think that is tragic. Some tragedies are truly traumatizing. Some are not. While I do not feel traumatized by what I have recounted above I do find it quite disheartening.

I'll repeat something I said back in 2013 when I first began this blog:

"Where are all the adults?"











Thursday, July 2, 2015

A World Engulfed

Thursday, July 2, 2015


I just read an article from the NOAA website. Alaska is currently witnessing its worst wildfire season on record. The article notes that more than six-hundred fires have burned over 1.8 million acres of Alaskan land. The fires throughout the state of Alaska are impacting air quality many hundreds of miles downwind here in Minnesota. Yes indeed the world is an interconnected place.

It's a bit easy to think of an engulfed world after recounting the stories of two men's lives in my blog writing yesterday. I recounted two men whose lives impacted the Nazi era of Europe in vastly different ways. One man helped save hundreds of children from extermination. The other man was recently charged as an accessory in three-hundred thousand murders. The dark and light aspects of human life can be very intense here on planet Earth. I sometimes find it amazing how so much creation and destruction can co-exist on one planet.

Speaking of creation today is the two year anniversary of my blog's beginning. It seems a bit surreal that it has been two years since I began writing (and sharing that writing) on a nearly daily basis. When I began my blog I hoped that I would eventually find myself a new and better person by virtue of my diligence. I imagined the steadily growing total count of my words as an ever growing rope that I would use to climb up and out of the pit of pain I found myself in back in June and July of 2013. And now here I am.

As I have noted in numerous other posts I continue to marvel at this world filled with light. The long days of summer are an excellent time to consciously notice and appreciate the quality of sunlight as it falls upon the world.

Tomorrow: Moving onwards to a new step...

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

So Much Goodness...and So Much Harm

Wednesday, July 1, 2015


"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke

I read two stories from the New York Times today. They both focused on men who played a role in the time of Nazi Germany's domination of Europe. As I completed the articles I found myself appreciating how much good or harm one person can do.

One story profiled the court proceedings focused on the life of former SS soldier Oskar Groening. Groening is now a frail ninety-four year old man. The court charged Groening as an accessory to 300,000 counts of murder. Perhaps at least as galling is the sentence he may receive if convicted. He may be sentenced to three to fifteen years in prison. Fifteen years consists of approximately 5500 days. Were he to receive the maximum sentence possible each of the 300,000 counts would have a 'time value' of slightly less than 2% of a single day of time. Can you imagine a single human life being equated to the value contained in a period of time that is approximately twenty-six minutes long? Is any human life only worth the punishment of being imprisoned for a mere twenty-six minutes? It's quite appalling really.

The other story was uplifting. The story was an inspiring testimonial and obituary to the generosity of a Briton named Nicholas Winton. Winton played a significant role in the escape of 669 children from Czechoslovakia in the days immediately before World War II would consume Europe. Described in the article as a 'reluctant hero', Winton recently died at the age of 106. Worldwide publicity of the kindness that saved hundreds of children's lives came about only after Winton's wife Grete discovered a scrapbook filled with materials related to her husband's rescue activities decades after their occurrence.
I was most moved by the final paragraph of the story:

"On September 1, 2009, 70 years after the onset of the war halted the rescue operations, a special train with a locomotive and carriages from the 1930s left Prague to re-create the perilous 1939 journeys. On board were some of the original Winton's Children any many of their descendants, whose numbers now exceed 6,000."

One man was an accessory to 300,000 murders. Another man's life is the reason more than 6,000 people are alive today. And as noted in the second article I referenced those descendants include some individuals who have made very substantial contributions to the world. It's amazing how one life can touch the lives of so many.


It seems fitting I should read these stories on the day before the anniversary of my blog's beginning. I began writing my blog on July 2, 2013. It's been an amazing and transformative two year period in my life. One reason I chose to share my writings in a publicly accessible forum was my hope that it would inspire others who have experienced (or are now experiencing) significant hardship or pain in their own lives. One life can touch so many lives. I hope my writing these last two years has inspired people to reach for the stars above them!