Sunday, March 22, 2015

A Spacious Sadness

Sunday, March 22, 2015

This was both a good and a difficult weekend for me.

Last night I found myself feeling a spacious sadness while waiting to take the bus into Minneapolis.  I went to a party last night.  I had a nice time.  And yet all the while I was aware of the sadness within me.  There are many roots to my sadness.

At one point I found myself remembering how it was this time of year three years ago that I left the West Coast to embark on a new segment of my professional development in Washington, DC.  I remember how I wasn’t able to be as present to my life as I am now.  The memories I have of that time in my life are not as clear as the memories I have created in the time since I first underwent EMDR therapy in the summer of 2013.

Although my life is much better than it was twenty-one months ago I still find myself feeling a lot of sadness.  The nature of my sadness has changed.  The sadness I now feel is very much connected to the years of my adulthood.  Memories of my life during the summers I worked for the National Weather Service have floated through my mind.  I found myself recalling the low-grade feeling of misery during those two summers.  I was sad but I wouldn’t acknowledge my sadness in a healthy way.  I didn’t seek out treatment.  And part of the reason I did not seek out help was I was still following the set of ‘values’ I had internalized from my family of origin.

Unwinding a thick and pervasive sadness can take quite a while.  But I continue to move forward.  And my sadness continues to lighten up as time passes.

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!