Wednesday, March 4, 2015

"Be The Star Of Your Own Coloring Book"

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Today I found myself contemplating what my life can be like without the burden of weighty anger.  During the outpatient program this morning (which I attend four mornings a week) I acknowledged the quiet discovery I made yesterday that my ancient anger from the wounding of my childhood trauma is no longer present.  I looked within myself and realized this yesterday.

My sadness remains.  I have been contemplating making a new agreement with myself regarding how I will acknowledge and honor my sadness.  I do not wish to have my sadness rule my life.  I believe my life can be rewarding, productive, enjoyable and full of love.  But I believe it might be realistic to expect that my sadness will linger a very long time.  So I imagine setting aside a piece of my heart where the sadness can always have a home.  I do not need to make space in my entire heart for my sadness.  I will instead allow a portion of my heart to be home to my sadness.

Sometimes I find myself feeling a bit bored during the morning program.  This in no way should be construed to be a judgment against the quality of the program itself.  While doing some coloring and doodling this morning I wrote down something that inspired me:

"Be the star of your own coloring book"

As the season of winter begins to fade away and the sap rises up within the trees in preparation for spring I find myself wanting to go outside and magically color the world with my own box of magic crayons.  I cannot make spring magically come to be but I can choose to be the star of my own world.  I want to create my own colorful, vibrant life and world.

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!