Monday, January 20, 2014

Winter, Part...Um, Oh Who Knows. It's Still Cold.

Monday, January 20, 2014


Last week was the first time I awoke and found myself feeling a little weary of winter.  I suppose it's a good thing my weariness didn't arise until January.  Had I felt this way in December I would have been concerned about how I would make it through the winter without excessive whining and moaning!  Ha!  Thankfully I am keeping myself busy enough such that I don't pay too much attention to the fact that it is still January.

I am giving myself something of a break from excessive time on my feet until I meet with a podiatrist later this week.  I've been working diligently on my physical fitness goals; it's not necessary for me to live at the gym every day.  So I am instead refocusing my attention on matters related to my paternal family.  After meeting with my therapist earlier today I decided to send a communication to some of my relatives regarding our relationship.  I don't have any intention of actually moving further forward on this issue in the near future as other matters are consuming my attention.  I nonetheless feel grief that I feel compelled to take the action that I did.

I am excited to say that next week my therapist and I are going to do a reassessment to see how I score when screened for PTSD.  One goal I set (among many) for this year is to be un-diagnosable by the end of 2014.  I am well on my way.  When I asked my therapist about his impression of the speed of my recovery he replied that he had never seen someone with a past trauma history as extensive as my own heal so quickly.  You can achieve a lot through sheer determination.

I also spoke today of how it still doesn't feel normal to feel normal.  By that I mean it still feels quite strange to not be affected by an anxiety disorder.  I do not know what a typical arc of healing (in length of time) is for a person whose anxiety disorder began early in childhood.  So many factors can affect both the development of a pathological condition as well as the healing thereof.  Looking back it seems that my shamanic journey in late November acted as the catalyst for the acceleration of my healing process.

Tonight I am going to attend a lecture (in honor of the memory of Martin Luther King, Jr.) at All God's Children Metropolitan Community Church.  I look forward to being around familiar faces and sharing time with people who have similar values.

Tomorrow morning I will be going to see my physical therapist for a follow up on my shoulder.  The new order for additional physical therapy visits suggested up to four appointments.  I hope to only need two at most.  I did the prescribed exercises today at the YMCA; my left shoulder is now beginning to feel relatively normal.  My range of motion and strength have both improved.








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