The Benefits of Hibernation

Saturday, January 4, 2014

I went to a grief support group this morning in the hope of finding some like minded people who are facing some of the same issues. I didn't find what I was looking for so I went to the YMCA and swam in the pool. While downtown I saw a portion of the following quote:

“In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer.

And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.”

This was written by Albert Camus. I once read one of his books titled The Stranger. I suppose that title is fitting to recall as I am doing the work of befriending that part of myself which I have held at a distance and allowed to be a stranger for such a long while. And my ancient grief is wrapped up in that as well.

It seems so fitting that I came across this saying at this very moment as the strongest power of winter's bitter cold bears down on us from a part of the world called Nunavut. As I have traveled a deep journey of healing these last six months I have come to rediscover that invincible fire that Camus spoke of the invincible summer within each of us is, I believe, something like a divine light, a candle that lives on beyond the end of our bodies.

Though I no longer believe in some place called Heaven as I once was led to believe might exist I do still believe we go on in some form once we undergo corporeal death. I am more sure of what the afterlife is likely not rather than what it might be. I would rather work to create my own version of Heaven while living this life rather than work towards something in some afterlife.

I am taking a break from all the flurry of my recent significant life changes which I have made in the last month. Tomorrow, as some of the coldest weather arrives in perhaps nearly twenty years I intend to stay at home, stay warm and dream about what my own future can be.