The Next Huge Step Forward

Friday, January 3, 2014


I took another huge step forward on my therapeutic journey today.  I visited with Fr. Bauer of the Basilica of St. Mary this morning.  My intention was to speak with him about my paternal family of origin and more specifically about my conscience and what I feel I need to do to take care of my own health.  I wanted to be able to reference some sound doctrine from the Catholic Church (since I was raised Catholic but more importantly because my father's siblings are all practicing Catholics) when I next communicate with some members of my father's family.

I really enjoyed speaking with Fr. Bauer and found him to be thoughtful and wise in his input.  He pulled out a book related to the Second Vatican Council and found information related to following your conscience.  The most relevant passage appears below.  It is taken from the section entitled The Church in the Modern World.

Dignity of Moral Conscience

16. Deep within their consciences men and women discover a law which they have not laid upon themselves and which they must obey. Its voice, ever calling them to love and to do what is good and to avoid evil, tells them inwardly at the right moment: do this, shun that. For they have in their hearts a law inscribed by God. Their dignity rests in observing this law, and by it they will be judged.[9] Their conscience is people’s most secret core, and their sanctuary. There they are alone with God whose voice echoes in their depths.[10] By conscience, in a wonderful way, that law is made known which is fulfilled in the love of God and of one’s neighbor.[11] Through loyalty to conscience, Christians are joined to others in the search for truth and for the right solution to so many moral problems which arise both in the life of individuals and from social relationships. Hence, the more a correct conscience prevails, the more do persons and groups turn aside from blind choice and endeavor to conform to the objective standards of moral conduct. Yet it often happens that conscience goes astray through ignorance which it is unable to avoid, without thereby losing its dignity. This cannot be said of the person who takes little trouble to find out what is true and good, or when conscience is gradually almost blinded through the habit of committing sin.

I love my father and my father's siblings (even the ones I find very difficult to get along with) but I feel I cannot in good conscience continue to interact with my aunts and uncles in a way that discounts or ignores the discomfort I feel regarding my father's health and behavior.  I believe that continuing to live the way I have is not ethical.

I spoke with my therapist about this issue yesterday; it is my next big piece of work to address in my own healing journey.


In other news I am continuing to be faithful to my gym regimen.  I am at the downtown YMCA today (I already feel like it is my second home).  I decided to come for a workout (legs only) and restructure my plans for the next week in response to the extreme bitter cold weather expected to descend on Minnesota by Sunday night.  Next Monday might be one of the coldest days recorded in Minneapolis.  This is what local meteorologist Paul Douglas would call "character building cold".  I think it would be wise to get shopping and other tasks done now so I do not have to venture out into the cold at all from Monday through perhaps Wednesday.

My shoulder feels much better compared to yesterday.  I got a good night of sleep and feel very energetic today!  Onward and upward!  It still feels weird to be so happy and healthy.  Though there is a burden of grief within me that I must still attend to I now feel capable of fully addressing it.  It is amazing when I contemplate what may be possible for me in my life in the future!

Cheers!