Friday, June 13, 2014

One Day You Won't Wake Up Again


Friday, June 13, 2014


This past Wednesday evening I learned that my uncle Emil had passed away.  Emil was the long-time husband of my father’s eldest sister, my Aunt Patsy.  They had been married for over sixty-three years.  They lived their entire lives in Arkansas.  I may be wrong about this but I do not believe that either of them ever set foot outside the United States of America.  I do believe it safe to say that my Aunt Patsy exemplified the dutiful wife.  Emil was the focus of her life.

When a person somehow connected to us dies we can easily be reminded of our own mortality.  Death will take each one of us one day.  And we do not know when that day will be.  Each day we wake up can be experienced as a gift…or a curse.  We may not have control over the circumstances of our lives but we can control how we interpret and respond to what we experience.  It isn’t always easy.  But the truth isn’t always very pleasant to grasp.

I have a certain principle that I attempt to live by.  I cannot say I have always succeeded at it.  I’d like to believe one day I might always be able to do so.  I try to be thoughtful and treat people in a way that is informed by the knowledge that each time I see them may be the last time I ever see them.  We can never be sure when will be the last time we can say ‘I love you’ to the people we care about.

I think my early life experience of trauma must have informed my outlook in regards to our common experience of mortality.  I am so very aware of the all too often fragile nature of the bonds that connect us with each other.  I would rather focus my life on love and kindness as opposed to animosity, divisiveness and bitterness.  Again, this is often easier said than done.  The wounds of the heart can burden us for many years.

I find this awareness to occasionally be both a gift as well as a curse.  I am very much aware of the extensive gifts I have to offer.  And I am also aware of how I haven’t been using them very much…in many years now.  It’s sobering and very disillusioning.




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