Monday, June 9, 2014
It's a beautiful sunny day outside. The temperature is quite lovely. And I feel sad. I feel so very sad. It must be the grief within me. Perhaps it's the fact that I am still adjusting to life without the veneer of trauma. It's so beautiful outside! And I am spending my waking hours looking at a computer screen doing yet another job that I could have done when I was seventeen.
When I see my therapist tomorrow I am going to speak with him about my sentiment that I believe my recovery will not be complete until I can make more fundamental changes in my life. One fundamental transformation I need to make is moving in a new career direction that will ultimately prove satisfying. I feel so invisible in the work I am currently doing. I feel like an anonymous person who keeps a seat warm and basks in the glow of a computer screen underneath harsh lighting. How did this become my life? I feel that my recovery will inevitably plateau at some point in the near future. If and when that happens I feel more fundamental changes will have to take place for me to leap to the next level of growth.
I have worked so hard for nearly a year. I will not have my progress undermined by the circumstances of my current life. I don't want to rant but I just feel so frustrated with how slowly some aspects of my recovery are progressing.
I need to get outside and enjoy the beautiful weather!
It's a beautiful sunny day outside. The temperature is quite lovely. And I feel sad. I feel so very sad. It must be the grief within me. Perhaps it's the fact that I am still adjusting to life without the veneer of trauma. It's so beautiful outside! And I am spending my waking hours looking at a computer screen doing yet another job that I could have done when I was seventeen.
When I see my therapist tomorrow I am going to speak with him about my sentiment that I believe my recovery will not be complete until I can make more fundamental changes in my life. One fundamental transformation I need to make is moving in a new career direction that will ultimately prove satisfying. I feel so invisible in the work I am currently doing. I feel like an anonymous person who keeps a seat warm and basks in the glow of a computer screen underneath harsh lighting. How did this become my life? I feel that my recovery will inevitably plateau at some point in the near future. If and when that happens I feel more fundamental changes will have to take place for me to leap to the next level of growth.
I have worked so hard for nearly a year. I will not have my progress undermined by the circumstances of my current life. I don't want to rant but I just feel so frustrated with how slowly some aspects of my recovery are progressing.
I need to get outside and enjoy the beautiful weather!
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