Thursday, July 31, 2014
Sometimes we will never discover the answers to some of our deepest questions. Do you know that feeling? Have you lost someone or something precious to you and never been able to find peace after a devastating loss?
Yesterday I wrote about the high death toll in Africa as a result of the spread of Ebola. Today I share some of my thoughts about another story currently in the news. I have been reminded of the way that loss can devastate our lives by reading about the crash of Malaysian Airlines flight MH17. A particular article caught my attention. Reading bits and pieces about all the people's lives who have been impacted by the crash of Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 is a sobering experience. For some individuals merely being able to claim the remains of a family member suddenly becomes a luxury beyond their reach. Can you conceive of losing a family member in a transportation disaster in a different nation riven by conflict that eludes easy resolution? Who can even imagine such a thing happening in their worst waking nightmares? Describing such a scenario as sad doesn't begin to do much justice to the scope of such a tragedy.
I empathize with the experience of those who lost loved ones in the recent airline crash. They may never have answers to all of their most pressing questions. And somehow they will have to go on with their lives anyhow. I know that feeling. If you have read through a lot of my blog this past year you will already know I have many questions about my own life history (mostly about the lives of my biological parents) whose answers I may never discover. And somehow I will nonetheless have to go on with my own life. But how do we go on with life when we feel genuinely haunted by something in our past history?
Though I believe I was correctly diagnosed with PTSD last summer I have lately been reading a bit about Stockholm Syndrome. For those not in the know Stockholm Syndrome was named for a hostage scenario that played out in a bank in Stockholm, Sweden in late August, 1973. You can read more about that event here. Another web resource on this phenomenon can be found here.
I have been thinking about Stockholm Syndrome because I recognize in my feelings about my father something similar to that which was witnessed in the individuals who were held hostage in that bank in 1973. After their rescue it was noted that the hostages had 'emotionally bonded' with their captors. It might seem counterintuitive that people would develop such a 'bond' with those who would intentionally harm them in any way. Indeed, how can you love or care about people who abuse, neglect, intimidate or harass you? I have been wondering lately if it was even healthy that I loved my father in the past...or now. Just how blind was I to who my father truly is? Who was and is my father? Did I ever know the man he really was...or is now?
The sadness I feel when I question just how much of what I once believed about my father, my father's family and my whole view of the world is quite immense. It's quite clear I had a very distorted perspective regarding my own self...and the world at large. I am gradually correcting this. It's exciting work. But it's also quite arduous at times.
Sometimes we will never discover the answers to some of our deepest questions. Do you know that feeling? Have you lost someone or something precious to you and never been able to find peace after a devastating loss?
Yesterday I wrote about the high death toll in Africa as a result of the spread of Ebola. Today I share some of my thoughts about another story currently in the news. I have been reminded of the way that loss can devastate our lives by reading about the crash of Malaysian Airlines flight MH17. A particular article caught my attention. Reading bits and pieces about all the people's lives who have been impacted by the crash of Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 is a sobering experience. For some individuals merely being able to claim the remains of a family member suddenly becomes a luxury beyond their reach. Can you conceive of losing a family member in a transportation disaster in a different nation riven by conflict that eludes easy resolution? Who can even imagine such a thing happening in their worst waking nightmares? Describing such a scenario as sad doesn't begin to do much justice to the scope of such a tragedy.
I empathize with the experience of those who lost loved ones in the recent airline crash. They may never have answers to all of their most pressing questions. And somehow they will have to go on with their lives anyhow. I know that feeling. If you have read through a lot of my blog this past year you will already know I have many questions about my own life history (mostly about the lives of my biological parents) whose answers I may never discover. And somehow I will nonetheless have to go on with my own life. But how do we go on with life when we feel genuinely haunted by something in our past history?
Though I believe I was correctly diagnosed with PTSD last summer I have lately been reading a bit about Stockholm Syndrome. For those not in the know Stockholm Syndrome was named for a hostage scenario that played out in a bank in Stockholm, Sweden in late August, 1973. You can read more about that event here. Another web resource on this phenomenon can be found here.
I have been thinking about Stockholm Syndrome because I recognize in my feelings about my father something similar to that which was witnessed in the individuals who were held hostage in that bank in 1973. After their rescue it was noted that the hostages had 'emotionally bonded' with their captors. It might seem counterintuitive that people would develop such a 'bond' with those who would intentionally harm them in any way. Indeed, how can you love or care about people who abuse, neglect, intimidate or harass you? I have been wondering lately if it was even healthy that I loved my father in the past...or now. Just how blind was I to who my father truly is? Who was and is my father? Did I ever know the man he really was...or is now?
The sadness I feel when I question just how much of what I once believed about my father, my father's family and my whole view of the world is quite immense. It's quite clear I had a very distorted perspective regarding my own self...and the world at large. I am gradually correcting this. It's exciting work. But it's also quite arduous at times.
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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!