Friday, July 25, 2014
It has been a little too easy to think about death today. Today is the day my grandmother (my father's mother) passed away twenty one years ago. It's been over two decades since she passed on but I can still remember certain aspects of her life so well. I can remember how she kept her dentures in a glass jar on the counter in the kitchen of her home. I can remember when she would make oatmeal early in the morning as part of breakfast. I can recall picking strawberries out in my grandmother's "backyard" and finding so many berries that my grandfather had left behind. I have many pleasant memories of my grandmother.
This morning I learned about the untimely passing of a gentleman I did not personally know. His name was Jon Nizzi. He competed in the International Mister Leather competition this past May. I didn't have the opportunity to meet him when I was in Chicago for the event. It can be a bit overwhelming to attend such events...but in a good way. I can almost imagine the smell of leather wafted out for blocks from the hotel that served as the primary venue!
Regardless of whether a person dies due to natural causes, accident, homicide or suicide their deaths are a loss to those they leave behind. A gap suddenly appears in the world that can never be filled by another person. We are all unique and we all have unique gifts to offer. It is most tragic when people die due completely preventable deaths...and I am inclined to place death by suicide within this category. I find it perfectly understandable when people commit suicide as a means of ending their own enormous pain after having attempted to do everything available to alleviate their pain. When pain seems inescapable and we have suffered immensely for a long period of time it can be very easy to believe suicide is a way out...and then choose such a course of action.
And yet one difficult aspect of making choices while under the influence of immense pain is that we can't know with complete certainty whether the pain will subside or completely heal if we 'simply' give ourselves more time. Patience is such a virtue in the particular realm of personal healing. I've been appreciating this on a daily basis for the last year. I think it safe to say that many of us are works in progress...at least to a degree.
Pain is such a unique 'beast'. I suppose it could accurately be described as a shapeshifting creature that can present a thousand different faces. There is so much pain in the world. Why do we have to create more of it? The 'answer' to that question is, I suppose, we don't have to. It's within our power to create a better world. I'm not saying it's an easy project. Indeed, I personally feel quite dismayed by much of what I see going on in the world around me these days.
I tend to believe we live in a highly dissociated and dissociat-ing culture. I'm an intelligent, well educated person and I was surprised to discover how much pain I had been dissociating myself from...and how good at this practice I had become. But such capacity for dissociation is not uncommon...especially if you grow up in dysfunctional circumstances as I did (at least part of the time).
As I contemplate the death of a person I never really knew as well as the deaths of people I have known (like my grandmother) I cannot help but think of that movie 'Six Degrees of Separation'. The plot of the movie brings home the truth of our interconnectedness. We are all not that far removed from any other person walking the planet. Knowing the truth of our interconnectedness in our very bones could prompt us to create a better world. Wouldn't that be nice?
We are all friends of friends of friends of friends...of ourselves.
It has been a little too easy to think about death today. Today is the day my grandmother (my father's mother) passed away twenty one years ago. It's been over two decades since she passed on but I can still remember certain aspects of her life so well. I can remember how she kept her dentures in a glass jar on the counter in the kitchen of her home. I can remember when she would make oatmeal early in the morning as part of breakfast. I can recall picking strawberries out in my grandmother's "backyard" and finding so many berries that my grandfather had left behind. I have many pleasant memories of my grandmother.
This morning I learned about the untimely passing of a gentleman I did not personally know. His name was Jon Nizzi. He competed in the International Mister Leather competition this past May. I didn't have the opportunity to meet him when I was in Chicago for the event. It can be a bit overwhelming to attend such events...but in a good way. I can almost imagine the smell of leather wafted out for blocks from the hotel that served as the primary venue!
Regardless of whether a person dies due to natural causes, accident, homicide or suicide their deaths are a loss to those they leave behind. A gap suddenly appears in the world that can never be filled by another person. We are all unique and we all have unique gifts to offer. It is most tragic when people die due completely preventable deaths...and I am inclined to place death by suicide within this category. I find it perfectly understandable when people commit suicide as a means of ending their own enormous pain after having attempted to do everything available to alleviate their pain. When pain seems inescapable and we have suffered immensely for a long period of time it can be very easy to believe suicide is a way out...and then choose such a course of action.
And yet one difficult aspect of making choices while under the influence of immense pain is that we can't know with complete certainty whether the pain will subside or completely heal if we 'simply' give ourselves more time. Patience is such a virtue in the particular realm of personal healing. I've been appreciating this on a daily basis for the last year. I think it safe to say that many of us are works in progress...at least to a degree.
Pain is such a unique 'beast'. I suppose it could accurately be described as a shapeshifting creature that can present a thousand different faces. There is so much pain in the world. Why do we have to create more of it? The 'answer' to that question is, I suppose, we don't have to. It's within our power to create a better world. I'm not saying it's an easy project. Indeed, I personally feel quite dismayed by much of what I see going on in the world around me these days.
I tend to believe we live in a highly dissociated and dissociat-ing culture. I'm an intelligent, well educated person and I was surprised to discover how much pain I had been dissociating myself from...and how good at this practice I had become. But such capacity for dissociation is not uncommon...especially if you grow up in dysfunctional circumstances as I did (at least part of the time).
As I contemplate the death of a person I never really knew as well as the deaths of people I have known (like my grandmother) I cannot help but think of that movie 'Six Degrees of Separation'. The plot of the movie brings home the truth of our interconnectedness. We are all not that far removed from any other person walking the planet. Knowing the truth of our interconnectedness in our very bones could prompt us to create a better world. Wouldn't that be nice?
We are all friends of friends of friends of friends...of ourselves.
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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!