Tuesday, July 22, 2014
I just learned that a major element of the Affordable Care Act has been deemed illegal. This doesn't exactly leave me feeling happy. Obama has made some mistakes during his time in office but I have nonetheless remained supportive of him as his policies have generally been much more progressive and equitable when compared with his predecessor George W. Bush. I still marvel that enough Americans were ignorant and misguided enough to vote for Bush not once but twice. What a mess! And yet President Obama is only one man. Even as President there is only so much he can do...especially with our lame Congress, our bifurcated Supreme Court and the many Americans who still harbor racist and regressive views of the world.
I am doing my best to maintain a positive attitude. Lately I have been contemplating doing what I would call a 'sadness fast'. I believe it would be a very healthy choice to limit my consumption of media that contains sad, overwhelming content. I think it wise to pause and ask myself what ultimate good it can do me to 'keep myself informed' if doing so only leaves me more convinced than I was beforehand that I have little power to change much of anything outside of my own life. But isn't that the truth anyhow? I can change my own life but changing others is a futile waste of energy. We can live by example and perhaps in the way we live those close to us will feel inspired to change.
This question of how large structures can be changed has been on my mind a lot lately as evidenced by some of my recent writings. Using a dualistic frame of mind you could conceive of two primary ways to effect social change...from the top down and then grassroots organizing. I believe both of them have their important roles to play.
......
Back in my own personal world I continue to feel a lot of grief and sadness. It does seem to me that the hard edge of my grief is softening. I'm settling into the core of my unresolved sadness and really allowing myself to feel it...as painful as that is. I don't allow myself to dissociate like I once unconsciously did. There are days when I feel myself on the verge of tears as I contemplate how long I was unconsciously distancing myself from my own deepest, darkest and heaviest feelings. The veneer is gone now. I'm wading through the dreck related to my earliest years of life. I came out of the closet many years ago but my deepest sadness did not come with me. That layer was tucked way in the back of the closet. 'Spring cleaning' your entire life can be quite a process! And it's obvious I won't finish my spring cleaning this warm season. I'll be doing it when autumn begins.
I am pleased that it is still the summer season though. I am enjoying the warm days of July. It's strange to me to think how last year at this time I was still going through the virtual odyssey of seeing one health care practitioner after another. The process of stabilizing my life and gaining an informed sense of the status of my health took several months. The leaves were falling from the trees before I felt myself really beginning to ease into and accept the deeper process of change that I committed to last summer.
Lately I have been feeling a bit apathetic. I know some of my apathy is a predictable consequence of how much effort I am devoting to moving my entire life in a new direction. It's something akin to building a new house. First you must lay a strong foundation. Any lack of mindfulness in creating a solid foundation may lead to grave consequences later.
I am creating a new foundation for my life. The laying of a new foundation is best done with discernment, courage, good friends, patience and skill. I have heard it said there is no recipe for success. I would tend to agree. But there is a recipe for failure and I think it includes the lack of any and all of the ingredients I just listed.
My eyes and soul are hungry for new vistas and new possibilities. Here is a song I have long enjoyed which expresses how I am feeling lately. I want to experience the kind of sensory stimulation described in this piece of music! Cheers!
I just learned that a major element of the Affordable Care Act has been deemed illegal. This doesn't exactly leave me feeling happy. Obama has made some mistakes during his time in office but I have nonetheless remained supportive of him as his policies have generally been much more progressive and equitable when compared with his predecessor George W. Bush. I still marvel that enough Americans were ignorant and misguided enough to vote for Bush not once but twice. What a mess! And yet President Obama is only one man. Even as President there is only so much he can do...especially with our lame Congress, our bifurcated Supreme Court and the many Americans who still harbor racist and regressive views of the world.
I am doing my best to maintain a positive attitude. Lately I have been contemplating doing what I would call a 'sadness fast'. I believe it would be a very healthy choice to limit my consumption of media that contains sad, overwhelming content. I think it wise to pause and ask myself what ultimate good it can do me to 'keep myself informed' if doing so only leaves me more convinced than I was beforehand that I have little power to change much of anything outside of my own life. But isn't that the truth anyhow? I can change my own life but changing others is a futile waste of energy. We can live by example and perhaps in the way we live those close to us will feel inspired to change.
This question of how large structures can be changed has been on my mind a lot lately as evidenced by some of my recent writings. Using a dualistic frame of mind you could conceive of two primary ways to effect social change...from the top down and then grassroots organizing. I believe both of them have their important roles to play.
......
Back in my own personal world I continue to feel a lot of grief and sadness. It does seem to me that the hard edge of my grief is softening. I'm settling into the core of my unresolved sadness and really allowing myself to feel it...as painful as that is. I don't allow myself to dissociate like I once unconsciously did. There are days when I feel myself on the verge of tears as I contemplate how long I was unconsciously distancing myself from my own deepest, darkest and heaviest feelings. The veneer is gone now. I'm wading through the dreck related to my earliest years of life. I came out of the closet many years ago but my deepest sadness did not come with me. That layer was tucked way in the back of the closet. 'Spring cleaning' your entire life can be quite a process! And it's obvious I won't finish my spring cleaning this warm season. I'll be doing it when autumn begins.
I am pleased that it is still the summer season though. I am enjoying the warm days of July. It's strange to me to think how last year at this time I was still going through the virtual odyssey of seeing one health care practitioner after another. The process of stabilizing my life and gaining an informed sense of the status of my health took several months. The leaves were falling from the trees before I felt myself really beginning to ease into and accept the deeper process of change that I committed to last summer.
Lately I have been feeling a bit apathetic. I know some of my apathy is a predictable consequence of how much effort I am devoting to moving my entire life in a new direction. It's something akin to building a new house. First you must lay a strong foundation. Any lack of mindfulness in creating a solid foundation may lead to grave consequences later.
I am creating a new foundation for my life. The laying of a new foundation is best done with discernment, courage, good friends, patience and skill. I have heard it said there is no recipe for success. I would tend to agree. But there is a recipe for failure and I think it includes the lack of any and all of the ingredients I just listed.
My eyes and soul are hungry for new vistas and new possibilities. Here is a song I have long enjoyed which expresses how I am feeling lately. I want to experience the kind of sensory stimulation described in this piece of music! Cheers!
No comments:
Post a Comment
I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!