Monday, July 21, 2014
Today is my biological mother's 66th birthday. (You can easily suspect a person has had a storied life when they use the phrase 'biological mother'.) I have thought about her a lot this last year since I traveled to Germany in May, 2013. There are many days when I will briefly wonder if I will see her again...and if I do, what her health will be like at that time. It seems perfectly natural to me that an adult child of a schizophrenic parent will feel this way. It's such a shame to prematurely lose a parent to illness. On an intellectual level I know I am very much not alone in that experience. And yet when I ponder how I feel it is still a little too easy to feel very much isolated and alone in my experience.
Yesterday I took some time to watch a video in which Amy Goodman interviewed Dr. Gabor Mate. The subject of the video was early childhood adversity, addiction and other health issues. I learned of Dr. Mate after contemplating what potential impact the stress level and personal health history of my own mother had on my own pre-natal development. I began alluding to the field of pre-natal development earlier this year in my blog when I wrote about the timing of my own father's birth. As someone born of a mother of Germanic heritage in May, 1942 my father was 'in-utero' during a period of approximately nine months that coincided with one of the darkest periods of World War II. Knowing how the state of Arkansas isn't exactly a bastion of enlightened, progressive thinking I would not be surprised if my grandmother felt a heightened level of stress during her pregnancy with my father. And that stress could have played a significant role in my father's pre-natal development. I have resigned myself to the very real possibility that many questions I still hold about my paternal family of origin may never be answered. I rightly do not trust my paternal family of origin to volunteer information that would help me assemble a more comprehensive understanding of my father and his earliest years of life. It's very sad...but this is what can all too easily happen when secrecy rules lives.
I am actually here at the Basilica of St. Mary as I write this. I came for the Shoe Ministry program they operate on Mondays and Saturdays. I basically currently have one pair of shoes that are functional and still in good condition. I live in one of the wealthiest nations in the world and I have one, yes one, pair of shoes to wear. And I work full time. I suppose you could call me an involuntary member of the working poor. There are a lot of working poor Americans. Most of the wealth generated since the financial crisis of 2008 has not 'trickled down' but has instead surged up to a very small portion of Americans in the upper echelons of wealth. An article from the Pew Research Center indicates that wealth inequality in the United States, which has essentially increased since the 1970s, is now as extreme as it was in 1928! America has not been host to such extreme socioeconomic polarization in generations. And yet we Americans are expected to be content with the scraps of opportunity that have been challenging to find in the last six years.
I bring up the larger circumstances that characterize this nation to broach a topic that has been on my mind lately. And that is the notion of the individual and the macrocosm and how they interrelate. My basic feeling is that individual people's ability to recover and improve the quality of their lives will inevitably reach a plateau when attempting to move upwards through socioeconomic strata at the same time that the broader economic reality is not conducive to prosperity. Put in more simple language there is only so much one person can do when a nation functions in such a way that its political and economic systems effectively alienate and impoverish large numbers of people.
Another article I found explores the system of capitalism. I will write more later on this issue of the individual and the broader society.
As for now I am doing my best to smile and continue trying to believe my future can be, and will be, better than my past.
Today is my biological mother's 66th birthday. (You can easily suspect a person has had a storied life when they use the phrase 'biological mother'.) I have thought about her a lot this last year since I traveled to Germany in May, 2013. There are many days when I will briefly wonder if I will see her again...and if I do, what her health will be like at that time. It seems perfectly natural to me that an adult child of a schizophrenic parent will feel this way. It's such a shame to prematurely lose a parent to illness. On an intellectual level I know I am very much not alone in that experience. And yet when I ponder how I feel it is still a little too easy to feel very much isolated and alone in my experience.
Yesterday I took some time to watch a video in which Amy Goodman interviewed Dr. Gabor Mate. The subject of the video was early childhood adversity, addiction and other health issues. I learned of Dr. Mate after contemplating what potential impact the stress level and personal health history of my own mother had on my own pre-natal development. I began alluding to the field of pre-natal development earlier this year in my blog when I wrote about the timing of my own father's birth. As someone born of a mother of Germanic heritage in May, 1942 my father was 'in-utero' during a period of approximately nine months that coincided with one of the darkest periods of World War II. Knowing how the state of Arkansas isn't exactly a bastion of enlightened, progressive thinking I would not be surprised if my grandmother felt a heightened level of stress during her pregnancy with my father. And that stress could have played a significant role in my father's pre-natal development. I have resigned myself to the very real possibility that many questions I still hold about my paternal family of origin may never be answered. I rightly do not trust my paternal family of origin to volunteer information that would help me assemble a more comprehensive understanding of my father and his earliest years of life. It's very sad...but this is what can all too easily happen when secrecy rules lives.
I am actually here at the Basilica of St. Mary as I write this. I came for the Shoe Ministry program they operate on Mondays and Saturdays. I basically currently have one pair of shoes that are functional and still in good condition. I live in one of the wealthiest nations in the world and I have one, yes one, pair of shoes to wear. And I work full time. I suppose you could call me an involuntary member of the working poor. There are a lot of working poor Americans. Most of the wealth generated since the financial crisis of 2008 has not 'trickled down' but has instead surged up to a very small portion of Americans in the upper echelons of wealth. An article from the Pew Research Center indicates that wealth inequality in the United States, which has essentially increased since the 1970s, is now as extreme as it was in 1928! America has not been host to such extreme socioeconomic polarization in generations. And yet we Americans are expected to be content with the scraps of opportunity that have been challenging to find in the last six years.
I bring up the larger circumstances that characterize this nation to broach a topic that has been on my mind lately. And that is the notion of the individual and the macrocosm and how they interrelate. My basic feeling is that individual people's ability to recover and improve the quality of their lives will inevitably reach a plateau when attempting to move upwards through socioeconomic strata at the same time that the broader economic reality is not conducive to prosperity. Put in more simple language there is only so much one person can do when a nation functions in such a way that its political and economic systems effectively alienate and impoverish large numbers of people.
Another article I found explores the system of capitalism. I will write more later on this issue of the individual and the broader society.
As for now I am doing my best to smile and continue trying to believe my future can be, and will be, better than my past.
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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!