Tuesday, July 29, 2014
I met with my eye doctor for the first time since last October. He declared my eyes are fine. I am pleased to hear this. Virgo people like myself can be (rightfully) known for being hypochondriacs. I had this thought go through my own mind in the last few weeks. When I would have a moment of blurred vision or especially acute vision I would find myself wondering just how long this phenomenon might go on. When it first appeared last year I felt anxious about it; I had so many health concerns at the time that I felt overwhelmed quite a bit of the time.
I am still inclined to believe I am emerging from some sort of prolonged disposition to dissociation and/or derealization. It feels something like waking up from a bad dream that went on for a few decades. Waking up from a dreamy state was certainly not on my bucket list of things I wanted to experience in my life. But at least the worst of my journey is apparently over. Or at least I believe it is.
I feel immense gratitude for my eyesight. I am reminded of this gift of vision whenever I encounter visually impaired people in the course of my day. I find that I want to enjoy the beauty of the world more than I have in the past. I want to incorporate it into my professional life in some meaningful way. How I will ultimately do that remains to be seen.
My grief remains with me. I feel it changing as the days pass though. Maybe the strong sunlight of summer is somehow transmuting my grief into a lighter substance. I don't know. Some days I feel very heavy. Other days I feel quite light. The journey of recovery from trauma is never a firm, unbroken line.
I met with my eye doctor for the first time since last October. He declared my eyes are fine. I am pleased to hear this. Virgo people like myself can be (rightfully) known for being hypochondriacs. I had this thought go through my own mind in the last few weeks. When I would have a moment of blurred vision or especially acute vision I would find myself wondering just how long this phenomenon might go on. When it first appeared last year I felt anxious about it; I had so many health concerns at the time that I felt overwhelmed quite a bit of the time.
I am still inclined to believe I am emerging from some sort of prolonged disposition to dissociation and/or derealization. It feels something like waking up from a bad dream that went on for a few decades. Waking up from a dreamy state was certainly not on my bucket list of things I wanted to experience in my life. But at least the worst of my journey is apparently over. Or at least I believe it is.
I feel immense gratitude for my eyesight. I am reminded of this gift of vision whenever I encounter visually impaired people in the course of my day. I find that I want to enjoy the beauty of the world more than I have in the past. I want to incorporate it into my professional life in some meaningful way. How I will ultimately do that remains to be seen.
My grief remains with me. I feel it changing as the days pass though. Maybe the strong sunlight of summer is somehow transmuting my grief into a lighter substance. I don't know. Some days I feel very heavy. Other days I feel quite light. The journey of recovery from trauma is never a firm, unbroken line.
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