Tuesday, July 29, 2014

A Good Hypochondriac Virgo: My Eyes Are Fine

Tuesday, July 29, 2014


I met with my eye doctor for the first time since last October.  He declared my eyes are fine.  I am pleased to hear this.  Virgo people like myself can be (rightfully) known for being hypochondriacs.  I had this thought go through my own mind in the last few weeks.  When I would have a moment of blurred vision or especially acute vision I would find myself wondering just how long this phenomenon might go on.  When it first appeared last year I felt anxious about it; I had so many health concerns at the time that I felt overwhelmed quite a bit of the time.

I am still inclined to believe I am emerging from some sort of prolonged disposition to dissociation and/or derealization.  It feels something like waking up from a bad dream that went on for a few decades.  Waking up from a dreamy state was certainly not on my bucket list of things I wanted to experience in my life.  But at least the worst of my journey is apparently over.  Or at least I believe it is.

I feel immense gratitude for my eyesight.  I am reminded of this gift of vision whenever I encounter visually impaired people in the course of my day.  I find that I want to enjoy the beauty of the world more than I have in the past.  I want to incorporate it into my professional life in some meaningful way. How I will ultimately do that remains to be seen.

My grief remains with me.  I feel it changing as the days pass though.  Maybe the strong sunlight of summer is somehow transmuting my grief into a lighter substance.  I don't know.  Some days I feel very heavy.  Other days I feel quite light.  The journey of recovery from trauma is never a firm, unbroken line.


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