Saturday, July 12, 2014
Just like yesterday and the day before I cannot remember this particular day of July from the year 1982. I feel a lot of grief that I cannot really remember that summer. I believe it's a very healthy choice that I simply focus on completing my current position at Abbott Northwestern Hospital (that will end on August 15th) as a way of structuring my time and honoring the boy I was who couldn't really easily escape his circumstances back in 1982.
Sometimes I find myself here in the present day wondering why I didn't simply run away back in 1982. Considering I felt so alienated and fearful it seems strange to me that I stuck around. But when I take a step back and really think through that time period I realize it is unrealistic for me to have thought about my circumstances in an adult way back then when I was a child. Children typically think with brains that correspond to the developmental state of children and adults (hopefully) function with adult brains. To expect a child to rationally think about difficult circumstances as if he were an adult is to expect a child to essentially be an adult. And that isn't a realistic expectation. I grew up under my father's supervision and went off to college after graduating high school because that seemed to be a better choice than taking the risk of striking off on my own as an eight year old kid. I haven't heard about too many 'successful' eight-year old runaways.
With the passage of time and the clarity that ideally comes after undergoing therapy I understand more and more clearly that a principle issue of my earliest years of life is that I needed more unconditional love. The problem is not that I didn't receive any such love. The love I received wasn't consistent. And much of it was not unconditional. While I do feel I take a fairly healthy view regarding the influence of gender (upon the roles that fathers and mothers fulfill) in the sense that I think it narrow to think only mothers can and do provide unconditional love I nonetheless think it is still true that the love a mother gives a child is quite different than what a father gives a child. Regardless of whether a child has a mother and a father, two fathers or two mothers I think it critical that a child experience the gift of unconditional love. To experience such love is, in my opinion, the birthright of every person.
So here is one of my questions now: How do you deal with the impact of a dearth of unconditional love years later?
Just like yesterday and the day before I cannot remember this particular day of July from the year 1982. I feel a lot of grief that I cannot really remember that summer. I believe it's a very healthy choice that I simply focus on completing my current position at Abbott Northwestern Hospital (that will end on August 15th) as a way of structuring my time and honoring the boy I was who couldn't really easily escape his circumstances back in 1982.
Sometimes I find myself here in the present day wondering why I didn't simply run away back in 1982. Considering I felt so alienated and fearful it seems strange to me that I stuck around. But when I take a step back and really think through that time period I realize it is unrealistic for me to have thought about my circumstances in an adult way back then when I was a child. Children typically think with brains that correspond to the developmental state of children and adults (hopefully) function with adult brains. To expect a child to rationally think about difficult circumstances as if he were an adult is to expect a child to essentially be an adult. And that isn't a realistic expectation. I grew up under my father's supervision and went off to college after graduating high school because that seemed to be a better choice than taking the risk of striking off on my own as an eight year old kid. I haven't heard about too many 'successful' eight-year old runaways.
With the passage of time and the clarity that ideally comes after undergoing therapy I understand more and more clearly that a principle issue of my earliest years of life is that I needed more unconditional love. The problem is not that I didn't receive any such love. The love I received wasn't consistent. And much of it was not unconditional. While I do feel I take a fairly healthy view regarding the influence of gender (upon the roles that fathers and mothers fulfill) in the sense that I think it narrow to think only mothers can and do provide unconditional love I nonetheless think it is still true that the love a mother gives a child is quite different than what a father gives a child. Regardless of whether a child has a mother and a father, two fathers or two mothers I think it critical that a child experience the gift of unconditional love. To experience such love is, in my opinion, the birthright of every person.
So here is one of my questions now: How do you deal with the impact of a dearth of unconditional love years later?
No comments:
Post a Comment
I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!