Looking Back One Year Ago: May 18, 2013

Sunday, May 18, 2014


My writing one year ago...

Day 6, Part II - On the Train

I am on my way to Germany now. I had those typical thoughts many people have when you have an important train or plane to catch. You can plan to be early to a destination and then end up arriving late through no fault of your own. Thankfully that did not happen to me this morning.

Something I have noticed that has been happening in the last few years is that more and more I find myself wanting to ease into the day and take my time in the morning. I don't know if that makes me a morning person...because quite honestly I don't much enjoy getting up that early. It's more that I am a "Likes to Enjoy His Morning By Taking It Slow" person.

I am grateful that I will have my uncle Bernhard meet me at the train station in Duisburg. Visiting with my mother with the company of another relative does not seem like the best idea...especially considering how long it has been since I last visited.

Just like yesterday morning I found myself breathing quite quickly in a few moments. It was a mixture of anticipation, anxiety and stress yesterday. And it is the same today.

"I love. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you."

Day 6, Part III As My Eyes Nearly Slam Shut

It is nearly midnight as I compose this final entry here in the town where my mother grew up. Eleven years later I am back in the land of my mother's ancestors. It has been a wondrous pleasure to return here...and simultaneously very sobering that eleven entire years can pass so quickly. Time waits for no man.

I visited with my mother today. Her health is certainly not what it once was. She now has some degree of dementia in addition to her original schizophrenia she developed as a young woman. My uncle had given me some indication of this shift...so I was not completley surprised.

I went to the graveyard where my grandparents and one of my aunts are buried. It is sobering to lose relatives when they are only young adults. I have certainly called upon the hardiness of my own genes to transcend the challenges that have come my own way in my life. I have already outlived...and "outperformed" some of my closest relatives...and I am still relatively young.

I sat and spoke about my mother's family over dinner this evening. It was very educational. Let's say I have much greater insight into my family now than I once had. And for that I am most grateful.

More tomorrow.