Looking Back One Year Ago: May 17, 2013

Saturday, May 17, 2014


My writing one year ago today...

Day 5, Part I - Moving at the Speed of Light...and seeking Relaxation!

Today has been a more encouraging day. I am already done with my first consultation visit...and it went quite well. It's amazing how much this trip is demanding of me intellectually (as well as in other respects). I am taking supplements to support my health and mitigate my stress level. I can't imagine how I would feel if I didn't!

I used the Brussels Metro system this morning to reach my first appointment. On my first train we suddenly came to a jarring halt. People nearly flew off their feet; I was sitting down and thankfully took it in stride. Such sudden stops are a simple reminder that we can have lovely intentions all we want...but then we have to let them go and ride the wave of whatever day we are living. Who knows where the wave will go! Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

I have been wanting to go to a big dance event tonight. But there are two issues. One is that I need sleep to be functionally coherent tomorrow when I expect to see my mother again for the first time since 2002. It will probably be demanding enough of me emotionally that I don't need to add to the stress by being sleep deprived. And then there are my feet. I feel like I have callouses on them...the cobblestones of Brussels did wonders for my feet yesterday. My feet are telling me to not go out dancing. Oye! My body has made that decision for me!

Day 5, Part II - And now for something completely different...

I am pleased to say that my day today flowed much more smoothly than yesterday. Though I find the cobblestone sidewalks of Brussels beautiful I do not much care for how it feels to walk on them. And the rain we have had every day has done wonders for my best pair of shoes. Luckily they have not been destroyed...unlike my 50 Euro cent map of Brussels. The map looks like a dog mauled it...badly.

Now I get to switch gears and focus my attention on my coming visit with my German family. Much as I would like to go out and enjoy the nightlife of Brussels I feel it is a wiser investment of my time to be quiet and meditate on my relationship with my mother so I can be in a clear frame of mind tomorrow.

Day 5, Part III - A Kid on Christmas Eve

Europe is so far north in the Northern Hemisphere that the residents in this continent experience very lengthy periods of dawn and dusk. Unlike the tropics where the sun sinks below the horizon at nearly a right angle to the horizon, here the sun here leisurely sinks below the horizon like a person enjoying a leisurely stroll with no particular destination in mind.

A calmness has settled over me that I did not feel earlier today. I feel proud of what I have accomplished in the last several days. And I feel especially pleased with the personal work I have done to prepare myself for visiting my family tomorrow.

It's been so long since my last visit that I feel a bit torn. The wiser choice would seem to be to go to bed early and get a long night of rest. And yet another part of me wishes to bear witness...to watch the light gradually drain from the sky and watch night knit itself from the remains of this day...the last day in what has been such a long time since I visited my mother's homeland, my Germany. I feel this inclination to stay up through the night and bear witness to this last night before I return to Germany...I feel this deep yearning to be "a night owl" and then, after the deepest of the night passes, watch light return to the world and illuminate the countless contours of this rainy and windy city, this place called Brussels. I want to see the light reborn...much as it has been in my heart...to see the darkness vanish away in the presence of the power of the Sun...our source of Life. I want to celebrate a sunrise on this day that is the next day to come...this day when I will cross the border into Germany.

I have such a sense of anticipation that it resembles that of a child waiting for Santa Claus to come visit at Christmas.

I marveled at the lusciousness of moving slowly while eating dinner tonight. I looked out at the trees waving gently in the wind, at the people in the restaurant I went to, at the countless hues and shadows present in all directions. I marveled as darkness fell. I also marveled as I ate each bite of my ravioli. When you feel fully alive, everything takes on an exquisite quality...everything radiates its inherent luminosity.