Just Breathe

Monday, May 12, 2014

I am sitting on the bus on the way to downtown Minneapolis.  My mind is strangely very quiet.  As I waited at the bus stop my mind was as still as a pond on a calm autumn morning.  I am hoping that my mediation session at 3 pm will go well and that I will get the results I desire.  I remain skeptical that all my requests will be granted.  But I would prefer to shoot for the moon rather than assume there is no point to my upcoming meeting before I even arrive.

I noted what I interpret to be a healthy sign regarding my progress yesterday near the end of the day.  I actually found myself feeling bored after a long weekend in which I had done as little as possible.  Last night I actually found myself looking forward to going to work today.  That was a most enjoyable feeling to have.  There have been enough occasions in my early work history in which I didn’t exactly feel I had a repertoire with my boss.  This is thankfully not one of those occasions.  It’s a relief to actually feel the desire to work.

I think I can safely say we are finally done with the snow.  Yes, it’s May 12^th.  Though the snow is (apparently) gone for the season this Spring that has taken winter’s place is not exactly a memorable one thus far.  It seems that spring took hold in a very tentative way.

My grief and joy continue to intermingle these days.  I still feel relief that the most difficult phase of my recovery process appears to be behind me now.  I feel joy as I see the world featuring the color green.  And yet I also feel grief regarding the estrangement with my paternal family of origin which now feels essentially complete….though perhaps not irreversible.

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of my trip to Germany which ultimately led me onto the path I am on now.  It seems a bit surreal it has already been a full year.  It has been a twelve month period of immense transformation.  Slowly but surely I am adjusting to living with a mind no longer subtly marked by the pain of trauma.  It’s quite a journey.

I welcome you to follow along as I recount my trip last May by sharing journal entries I kept at the time.  I will resume creating new content on June 1, 2014.

Cheers!