Gun Violence and The Infinite Loop of What If

Thursday, May 29, 2014


So I find myself sitting here in a two day job.  The job duties are a veritable cakewalk because I am sitting at a reception desk and basically only have to answer phones and direct people.  I'm allowed to surf online and read...so I did so.

I found an article about legislation being proposed in California to address the persistent issue of gun violence.  I have written about it here before and I will write about it a bit again.  But I am not going to share the details of the most recent incident.  Consider it my form of protest to no longer follow this issue as closely.  Indeed, if we as a nation are not going to take substantive action to do anything real about the issue of preventable murder then why is the issue covered in the media at all?  If we can't collectively address this issue as the horrific public health and cultural issue of this nation it is (can any reasonable, clear thinking person believe otherwise?) then why not just stop talking about it completely?  From now on let's put all obituaries in which the deceased died as a result of unjustified or unintended gun use in a special place called a 'memory hole' (like in the book 1984) and just pretend they never happened.

Instances of completely preventable deaths due to unjustified or unintended gun use include incidents in which small children find their parents' guns in the home and accidentally kill themselves, their siblings, their friends or even unrelated persons.  Such instances would also include those especially tragic incidents in which someone aims a gun at another person, believes the safety is engaged, fires and then unfortunately discovers he was wrong.  There are so many sad stories out there like this.  There are too many.  Any more than zero is too many.

According to the article the legislation "would allow people to notify courts or law enforcement officials if they are concerned that a family member or friend is at risk of committing violence."  As I read the article I found myself asking the famous question of 'What If'.  What if such legislation had existed in Texas in 1982 when my father was nearly murdered when a teenage boy shot him with a gun?  If this legislation had been in place perhaps someone might have reported my stepmother and her last act of attempted murder would have been prevented.  Obviously there are a lot of issues to consider with such a piece of legislation.  Here are some important points to consider:

• An unstable person might simply gain access to a weapon from a friend whose own judgment is poor.  How would you prevent transfer of weapons to unstable people from others who do have the ability to purchase a gun?

• People who have a grudge (justified or otherwise) against someone (family member or friend) might be tempted to use such a piece of legislation as a means of harming that individual.  Making a claim that the person in question is unstable could undermine this person's reputation, prevent him from being able to exercise his right to protect himself via purchase and access to a gun and ultimately result in serious consequences to this person's personal and professional reputation.  The potential for abuse is not to be understated.  How would such abuse be prevented?

• The case of stalking also poses some troubling questions.  If a person is being stalked how might the stressful experience of being stalked impact the victim's state of mind?  People can do very harmful things when not thinking clearly.  Fear can lead us to make choices we otherwise would not make.  When living in a state of fear of sufficient severity and duration a person might make the choice to purchase a gun without later learning how to responsibly use it.  While it's understandable that a person would want to protect himself what happens if paranoia leads that individual to use a gun inappropriately?  Here is an article that stands as an example of what can happen.  Though not an example of stalking the article is a good example of the policy problem known as 'unintended consequences'.  From what I can discern it appears the grandfather in question had no mental health problems; he was apparently not prone to violence.  And yet completely preventable harm can occur even when a person has good intentions.

I sense it is perfectly natural for people to get caught in what may seem to be an infinite loop of 'what if' or 'if only' thinking after a completely preventable tragedy occurs.  I suspect this is not unusual for those indirectly affected by gun violence.  Wondering about what could have been, should have been, might have been and the like is something I believe is not unusual.  But doing it for too long is ultimately not therapeutic.  Ruminating on the past indefinitely will not create a better future.  The pressing question is this: 'How can I honor the wounds of my early life, those due to my own poor choices as well as those resulting from events beyond my control, and yet move forward and create a rewarding life for myself?'
Put differently: 'What do I need to do to heal and live a good life?'

The anniversary (June 3rd) of my father's near murder is approaching.  Last year, upon my return from Germany on June 1st, I became seriously ill.  What followed led me to take up a new path.  And that path has led me here.  Almost a year later I am a much better man.  I am a much healthier man.  I am gradually adapting to a much healthier way of living defined by much healthier habits.

Old wounds from childhood can take a long time to heal.  My life is but one example that this can be true.  I am grateful to be where I am today.  I am also grateful that my future does indeed appear likely to be brighter than my past.  One can only hope...and embrace each day ready to try again...and again.

It's so nice that the world is full of green again.  Being a person without the burden of un-healed trauma is quite a new experience.