Balancing The Scales

Friday, May 30, 2014


A friend of mine encouraged me to post the contents of a scholarship application essay here on my blog.  Because the essay references my early life history of trauma I figured it would have a place here. Here is the essay...all 599 words of it.  I will be submitting this essay as part of an application for a scholarship from the University of Minnesota Disability Services office.

MOTIVATION STATEMENT

My early life history featured much trauma.  My biological mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was a very young boy.  My parents eventually divorced.  My mother returned to Germany, the country of her native citizenship.  Though I have visited my mother on several occasions in the intervening years she never could be a stable, supportive presence in my life.  I was later affected by domestic violence, abuse and police misconduct during and immediately after my father’s second marriage.  His marriage ended when my stepmother attempted to have my father murdered.  This early personal history caused me to develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) before the age of ten. 

Despite treatment earlier in my life history I did not ultimately experience comprehensive healing.  This less than optimal outcome was due in part to the manner in which my health condition was described to me.  I essentially thought I had done what was necessary to heal.  Time, my commitment to a life defined by exploration and the adventures I experienced while a member of the Jesuit religious order led me to eventually learn otherwise.  Last summer, shortly after my return from a trip to Germany, I was given a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  It became clear that more healing was both possible and desirable. 

I prefer to view PTSD as something that may impair my ability to live as fully and productively as I would ultimately desire to rather than necessarily being a permanent and debilitating disability.  My professional history as noted in my resume proves it is possible to be a productive member of society while living with PTSD.  Given that my trauma is primarily attributable to my experience of dysfunctional relationships one of my primary challenges is learning how to develop and maintain healthy relationships.

Despite the obstacles of my childhood I can cite many impressive achievements.  I hold two graduate degrees, have traveled to locations as diverse as Norway and Hawaii and have worked with peoples of varied socioeconomic, cultural and professional backgrounds in many contexts.  Personal values I attempt to bring to my daily life include integrity, honesty, diligence, passion, generosity, humor and kindness.  I have come to believe one of the most important measures of a good life are the relationships we develop with other people as well as the Cosmos at large.

The unexpected developments of last year left me very aware of my mortality and thus prompted me to reassess my life.  Life is a perishable gift with an eventual end.  I have decided I want my future career to be defined by two primary activities.  I wish to empower people to enjoy, conserve and sustainably manage the natural, cultural and human resources of their communities.  Secondly, I wish to cultivate relationships and share knowledge between communities on local, state and international levels to enhance the capacities of communities to responsibly steward their resources and provide a meaningful future for forthcoming generations.  In other words I want to do something grand!

My own experience of losing people dear to me as well as the gift of education and mentorship I have enjoyed serve as my primary motivations to pursue my goals.  I believe there is much potential within individual people as well as communities.  Though ever increasing knowledge and technology have improved the quality of life for billions of people these transformations would not have occurred without essential human gifts of ingenuity, collaboration, generosity and creativity.  I believe the greatest challenge of the twenty-first century is creating a truly sustainable globalized society.  This will require both the human mind and heart.