Wednesday, December 11, 2013
I sometimes find it very strange how my own personal recovery process is mirroring the exact opposite of what is happening in the outer world.
In June, during the time of most intense and longest daylight, I was beset by illness and then unexpectedly was diagnosed with PTSD. I can recall now how I felt as if I was living in a bit of a fog; my concentration was not the best and I felt very sad. And of course I was dissociating without even realizing it. And so began my journey to true and lasting recovery.
As summer matured and then began its inevitable fade into autumn I began to finally feel better. By late August I could honestly state I no longer felt depressed. But I was still doing a lot of physical therapy and maintaining a consistent routine of exercise. The results I began to enjoy did not suddenly burst into my conscious awareness one day. The results I was seeking required me to be diligent and patient. I realized this was a long term investment I was engaging myself in.
As the leaves changed colors and the first chill winds of autumn began blowing I could finally feel myself coming out of a period of pain and stress that had gone on for far too long. I began recognizing that I had engaged in an unconscious dissociation throughout much of my life as a way of coping with the pain I so often could not really cope with.
The Winter Solstice is now only ten days away. My personal reality now no more clearly mirrors the world outside as it did back in June. The realities are now reversed. Everything outside has now essentially gone to sleep and will remain in hibernation for months to come. And yet now I find myself able to wake up so easily. I find myself actually savoring each day as it begins despite the fact that it has already been below 0F on five mornings so far. This winter may prove to be a very grueling one and yet I feel very confident I will traverse it with a grace that eluded me last winter. I am finally learning the art of deep self-care. The rewards for such knowledge are not to be underestimated.
I sometimes find it very strange how my own personal recovery process is mirroring the exact opposite of what is happening in the outer world.
In June, during the time of most intense and longest daylight, I was beset by illness and then unexpectedly was diagnosed with PTSD. I can recall now how I felt as if I was living in a bit of a fog; my concentration was not the best and I felt very sad. And of course I was dissociating without even realizing it. And so began my journey to true and lasting recovery.
As summer matured and then began its inevitable fade into autumn I began to finally feel better. By late August I could honestly state I no longer felt depressed. But I was still doing a lot of physical therapy and maintaining a consistent routine of exercise. The results I began to enjoy did not suddenly burst into my conscious awareness one day. The results I was seeking required me to be diligent and patient. I realized this was a long term investment I was engaging myself in.
As the leaves changed colors and the first chill winds of autumn began blowing I could finally feel myself coming out of a period of pain and stress that had gone on for far too long. I began recognizing that I had engaged in an unconscious dissociation throughout much of my life as a way of coping with the pain I so often could not really cope with.
The Winter Solstice is now only ten days away. My personal reality now no more clearly mirrors the world outside as it did back in June. The realities are now reversed. Everything outside has now essentially gone to sleep and will remain in hibernation for months to come. And yet now I find myself able to wake up so easily. I find myself actually savoring each day as it begins despite the fact that it has already been below 0F on five mornings so far. This winter may prove to be a very grueling one and yet I feel very confident I will traverse it with a grace that eluded me last winter. I am finally learning the art of deep self-care. The rewards for such knowledge are not to be underestimated.
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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!