Thursday, August 29, 2013


Wednesday, August 28, 2013 (composed the next day)

I went to bed last night consciously aware of the fact that I did not post an entry yesterday.  Thankfully the well is beginning to fill up again.  I am speaking in metaphor here; I mean the well of my own internal energy is filling once more.

During my trip to Germany in May of this year I experienced some blurred vision.  I was intrigued and a little anxious when I would experience blurring of my long distance vision.  Each time it would happen it would be very temporary; it typically lasted perhaps ten seconds at most.  Over three years ago I had laser correction surgery to correct my very near-sighted vision.  In February of this year, as part of a screening for a job, my vision was tested.  My vision was measured at 20/17...better than 20/20!  This was very gratifying.  And knowing my vision was so good as recently as February made it all the more concerning when I began having blurred vision in May.

The blurred vision phenomenon has persisted throughout the summer.  I still cannot fully understand what is going on.  I notice it only tends to occur immediately after I have been exerting myself in some form of exercise at the YMCA or getting about on my bike.  And usually it clears in about ten seconds at most.  I also notice different forms of indoor lighting are apt to affect me to some degree.  I spoke to my doctor about this issue earlier this summer.  Routine screening showed nothing to be concerned about.

Upon beginning therapy in June of this year I began noticing a different phenomenon after I would do a session featuring EMDR.  Upon walking out into the world at large I would notice my vision was incredibly clear.  When I use the words "incredibly clear" I mean so clear that it seems I have some sort of superhero vision like what Superman would enjoy.  The world would appear as vivid and colorful as what you would see in the best Disney movies.  I have marveled at this phenomenon.

My most recent session with my therapist again featured EMDR.  And yet again I left the session and walked into a world that was stunningly vivid.  And yet it was something I said in that most recent session that now stands out most in my recollection.  During the process of EMDR I am repeatedly asked to describe where in my body I feel certain sensations and feelings.  At one point yesterday I located certain feelings as being behind my eyes.  This was news to me.  I have been wondering, especially since this most recent session, about the impact of stress on our literal eyesight as well as our more metaphorical (but no less real) psychological or metaphysical vision.  As I continue my therapy I realize that my vision for my own future life is continuing to clarify.  I am starting to "see" that which I wish to do in the future.

In my past professional life I have spent a lot of time sitting in front of computers for a variety of purposes.  Though personal computers will always be vital to my life in the future I have made the firm decision that my future work needs to feature a lot of time looking at beautiful things other than computers.  There is nothing quite like the fearful thought of "Why is my vision blurring? Could I be going blind?" to stoke a renewed appreciation for the beauty of having vision and what that allows you to experience.  I can't recall ever appreciating trees, clouds, the color green and so on as much as I do now.  And I pray I am not losing my vision.  I will be seeing my doctor again next month for a follow up regarding my eyesight.

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!