Monday, August 19, 2013

Deeper and Deeper Down the Rabbit Hole

Monday August 19, 2013

As I continue my healing process I continue to marvel at how much energy it requires of me.  I also continue to marvel at how every day I am successfully showing up again and again to do the work that is necessary for me to ultimately find a deeper, more resilient level of health and peace.  It's even more amazing how well I am doing when I consider how tenuous my current social support system is.  Events from this past weekend are an unfortunate reminder of this.  No man is an island...and no person should have to go through an arduous recovery process alone.  Thankfully I am reaching out for support and finding my way along.  I wouldn't wish what I am going through on anyone.  This even includes certain people in my life outside of my blood family who have seriously disappointed me with their unkind, cruel or unethical behavior.

I met with my therapist today and told him about events since our last session.  I have made the difficult yet necessary choice to no longer interact with my father without the assistance of another person or persons who can be objective and assist me with communication.  My relationship with my father reached what I would call the point of no return this weekend.  I documented this in my last posting from Saturday.  People are always and forever the children of their parents but that does not mean that you must adhere to the ideas and proclivities of your parents or grandparents once you are an adult.  True adult maturity implies the ability to make healthy choices, set boundaries and decide when you do not feel comfortable with the conduct of another person or group.  If we collectively did only what our parents did we would never have evolved and developed over the centuries.  Evolution requires creativity, risk and a willingness to dream of something bigger than what was previously known and believed to be possible.  I wish to evolve and become a healthier person.  And sometimes evolution is a painful process.

I also had the pleasure of meeting with someone from the Penny George Institute for Health and Healing here in Minneapolis.  I submitted an application for an eight week long Resilience Training program offered through the Institute.  I feel quite confident I will be selected for the program given the depth of my need, my past commitment to serving humanity (as demonstrated in my resume) and the current preponderance of evidence I can cite showing my commitment to my recovery.  I feel very happy to be so proactive.  I intend to remain stalwart in my commitment to the restoration of my health.
I should hear about the status of my application by the end of this week.

My final noteworthy effort of the day was my outreach to the Texas Department of Health and Human Services.  Given what I experienced as a child (as noted in my recent post in which I included a piece of correspondence I submitted to Parkland Hospital) I believe it should be mandatory that hospital emergency room and trauma care environments be required to do psychiatric consults on any patient admitted to such an environment in which they are suffering a life threatening injury that is specifically attributable to domestic violence and/or attempted murder.  And I feel this is especially justified in cases in which the injured person has children.  Were this to be a uniform policy it might help prevent future cases of children going through what I did.  Considering how backwards I believe Texas can be compared to many other states in the nation I am skeptical that such a law might pass the Legislature there if it is not law already.  But I can dream nonetheless.  All I can do is offer my voice and my opinion and then stand back and see what happens.

I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel regarding my physical therapy.  Some time in September I should be done with the process.  Gradually, over the course of days and weeks, I am improving.  And once I am finally done it is my intention to never again go through what I am enduring now.  Obviously I cannot control the world or what tomorrow will bring.  But I can do my best to make my life better.  I sleep well at night with how much effort I exert every day to restore my health.

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!