Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Sweating Bullets

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

As I recounted yesterday evening Monday proved to be an unexpectedly eventful day.  You can always say that when the phrase "Emergency Room" enters your vocabulary on any given day.  I looked over the paperwork from my office visit last night and chuckled when I saw the diagnoses listed.  They included anxiety (not news to me), depression (not news to me) and diaphoresis.  I had to look up the last word.

Simply put, diaphoresis means excessive sweating.  A funny expression for it that is, I suppose, more common in slang is "sweating bullets".  Yes indeed I was definitely sweating quite a lot when I arrived last night at the ER.  It was not an exceptionally warm or humid day here in Minnesota where I live.  I personally think the sweating is a result of my anxiety as well as perhaps a detox response as my body continues to cleanse from so much psychological garbage I was carrying around for years as a result of the abuse I suffered as a child.

The phrase "sweating bullets" is also quite fitting though because you could interpret it to mean I am sweating out all the anger that has been stuck inside me.  Since bullets are obviously one weapon among many out there in the world of weaponry it makes some sense that my efforts to expunge my anger could be termed sweating out bullets.  I certainly have suffered from plenty of internalized anger. One way to interpret depression is anger turned inward.  I have been put through enough in my life that I could probably sweat out the equivalent of a storehouse of bullets.  But I am gradually getting there!  Each and every day I feel a little bit better.  I am moving in the right direction and that is the most critical detail of all.

The most concerning measurement taken last night was my blood pressure.  It was 169/94 mmHg.  I do not recall ever having such a high blood pressure reading.  I thus rescheduled my next visit to my primary care physician for this afternoon.  I am doing everything in my power to restore my health in the face of very challenging circumstances.  I went to a gentle yoga class this morning in an effort to soothe my nerves.  That thankfully proved helpful.  It has also become radiantly obvious that a more appropriate form of exercise for me these days is something that requires a lot of energy and movement.  Though I love to do gentle yoga I believe I would really thrive on something like kick boxing, regular boxing and so on.  I will be meeting with a personal trainer later this week for an initial consultation.

In other news I continue to conduct the necessary research into my deep past to accrue evidence I may need if I attempt to proceed forward to address my issues with legal help.  I will be going into details about that in a future posting.

Enjoy your Tuesday!

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