Saturday, August 24, 2013

The Great Adventure

Saturday, August 24, 2013

For many people recovery proceeds in nothing like a straight line.  There are high points and low points, unexpected developments, pleasant surprises and then the background daily movement which sometimes feels like moving through a quagmire.  Today I have a bit of a case of the "blahs".

I feel grief because it has become highly apparent that I seem to have very little hope of pursuing actionable legal recourse regarding the abuse I experienced in my childhood.  As I understand it many a lawyer would interpret a case possibility such as mine by crunching the financial numbers to determine the likelihood of an outcome that would make their efforts worthwhile.  Given my particular case it seems the desired outcome might prove quite elusive.

I am also aware of feeling an immense amount of frustration and anger.  I find myself in this situation in part because I have not had sufficient healthy male mentoring in my life.  I made reference to this in my post from yesterday.  Though I have enjoyed the great honor of finding some amazing men as mentors and friends as an adult man I unfortunately did not have such luck as a child.  And the limitations of that time still impact me now on occasion.  It's only recently that my hunger for healthy masculine energy has thoroughly erupted into my waking consciousness.

So now my great adventure is to recover the authentic masculine as a part of my healing journey.  I have begun looking for resources here in the Twin Cities to help me with this aspect of my needs.  It is partly a result of my dissatisfaction with a certain chorus group I joined that I am now looking elsewhere and broadening my horizons.  It would be unwise for me to fail to look extensively at other possibilities.

In my next post I will write more about one of the deities from ancient tribal tradition who was omnipresent to me during my visit to Germany in May of this year.

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!