Sunday, August 11, 2013
So here I am writing on Sunday even though I previously had made a commitment to myself to take a break from writing on Sundays. I still intend to not pressure myself to write on Sundays but I will write whenever I feel so moved.
This morning I visited the local Unitarian Universalist church. I had intended to attend the 10 am service. I made it inside the church and briefly sat down. I looked around and briefly took in the surroundings. And then I left. I felt very good about my effort to visit. And I also felt very good when I left. Each and every day I continue to take steps forward in the process of my recovery. Another gift I have given to myself is the permission to not stay for the entire duration of certain events. I am finally beginning to conquer the all or nothing thinking that can prove so sabotaging to moving forward in life and achieving goals. I give myself the same permission when I attend classes at the local YMCA. If my body is tired out and I need to leave a class before it formally concludes I give myself the permission to stand up and leave. It's very liberating when you start living a life of conscious choice.
I will soon be ready to explore more options for spiritual communities here in the Twin Cities where I live. I plan to research the local MCC congregation. And I will do some other research as well. I will find my way in time. I just need to continue to be patient with myself. And I firmly believe my patience will eventually be rewarded.
As I move forward with my process of creating a new life I realize that my new foundation must be based in a consistent pattern of right action. Right action is the fourth aspect of the Buddhist eightfold path. From now on I will make choices based in my discernment as to whether said choices will ultimately serve me and my ongoing recovery of my full self. To choose right action is to choose to live in harmony and cultivate harmony in the world. By bringing myself into balance I can bring balance to the world at large. Healing the microcosm within me will help to bring healing to the world "outside" of me.
I feel encouraged by the fact that I am starting to notice a subtle shift in how I awaken to each day. My enthusiasm for life is beginning to grow. My depression is starting to subtly diminish. I still feel very angry by how much harm and abuse I suffered. Yet as I address the root causes of my anger the anger is no longer going inward and making me so sick. My recovery is proceeding in earnest.
One of my right actions I will take today is to attend a Fitness Yoga class at the Y later today. I am on my way. I suspect I will be riding emotional rapids for some time yet but at least my boat is pointed forward.
So here I am writing on Sunday even though I previously had made a commitment to myself to take a break from writing on Sundays. I still intend to not pressure myself to write on Sundays but I will write whenever I feel so moved.
This morning I visited the local Unitarian Universalist church. I had intended to attend the 10 am service. I made it inside the church and briefly sat down. I looked around and briefly took in the surroundings. And then I left. I felt very good about my effort to visit. And I also felt very good when I left. Each and every day I continue to take steps forward in the process of my recovery. Another gift I have given to myself is the permission to not stay for the entire duration of certain events. I am finally beginning to conquer the all or nothing thinking that can prove so sabotaging to moving forward in life and achieving goals. I give myself the same permission when I attend classes at the local YMCA. If my body is tired out and I need to leave a class before it formally concludes I give myself the permission to stand up and leave. It's very liberating when you start living a life of conscious choice.
I will soon be ready to explore more options for spiritual communities here in the Twin Cities where I live. I plan to research the local MCC congregation. And I will do some other research as well. I will find my way in time. I just need to continue to be patient with myself. And I firmly believe my patience will eventually be rewarded.
As I move forward with my process of creating a new life I realize that my new foundation must be based in a consistent pattern of right action. Right action is the fourth aspect of the Buddhist eightfold path. From now on I will make choices based in my discernment as to whether said choices will ultimately serve me and my ongoing recovery of my full self. To choose right action is to choose to live in harmony and cultivate harmony in the world. By bringing myself into balance I can bring balance to the world at large. Healing the microcosm within me will help to bring healing to the world "outside" of me.
I feel encouraged by the fact that I am starting to notice a subtle shift in how I awaken to each day. My enthusiasm for life is beginning to grow. My depression is starting to subtly diminish. I still feel very angry by how much harm and abuse I suffered. Yet as I address the root causes of my anger the anger is no longer going inward and making me so sick. My recovery is proceeding in earnest.
One of my right actions I will take today is to attend a Fitness Yoga class at the Y later today. I am on my way. I suspect I will be riding emotional rapids for some time yet but at least my boat is pointed forward.
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