Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Now Entering Uncharted Territory

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

I realized this morning that my life is now changing so radically that my daily experience is beginning to resemble that which the explorers of centuries ago experienced when they left the homes they knew and ventured out to other parts of the world they did not know.  I am now entering uncharted territory.

I had my most recent meeting with my therapist yesterday.  We had a nice, long ninety minute session.  While in that session I was under the influence of an Atavan I had taken about two hours before the session began.  I was prescribed the Atavan last week; I use them sparingly in the event I feel I am about to have a panic attack.  Panic attacks are thankfully not something I have been prone to throughout my life.

I am wondering now if somehow the combination of the Atavan and the EMDR technique we again employed proved more effective than one or the other alone.  When I woke up today I felt this strange sort of high.  Those who know me know I do not regularly (or even irregularly) participate in recreational drug use.  I am a very straight laced sort of guy (even though I am actually gay).  I wonder if somehow the Atavan made the EMDR process more effective in re-patterning my brain.  It certainly is possible.  I will have to speak about that when I see my therapist next.  It's been many hours since I awoke and still I feel this strange elevation in my mood.  Maybe a new hopefulness is getting into the mix of what is influencing my mind now.

My health is starting to significantly improve.  My primary care physician verbalized that he noticed improvement when I met with him this afternoon.  The physical therapy is working; my core is becoming stronger each day.  And when I went to see my chiropractor for an adjustment earlier today my body loosened up much more easily than it has in the past.  Something is definitely starting to shift.  Like I noted earlier I am entering uncharted territory.  It is exciting, exhilarating and scary.

Perhaps the best news of all is that I have chosen to request mediation with my father.  He responded to my email request today.  I have no idea if he will actually be amenable to the process.  I nonetheless feel good that I asked for something that I want and need.  I'm breaking down the traumatized self I have carried around for all too long.  As the healthy me continues to emerge into the light of day I feel relief and a growing sense of optimism for my future.  My past is beginning to lose its stranglehold on my heart and mind.

I have always had an adventurous spirit.  It's amazing what an adventure recovery of your whole self can be!

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!