Friday, August 2, 2013
There is one very significant down side to starting a comprehensive healing process in the summer. Everyone loves to go on vacation in August! When you are dealing with an orthopedist, a chiropractor, an acupuncturist, a therapist and a primary care doctor it is almost inevitable that one of them is going to be on vacation at some point in August. And to add a little spice to the mix I learned today that they will be resurfacing the floors at the YMCA where I now have a membership. This means that many of the classes will be juggled around or cancelled. It's such fun when you are attempting to find a new rhythm in your life to facilitate your own healing process.
I find myself becoming more accepting and able to let go of my previous plans. These are the plans and ideas I had before the illustrious diagnosis of late June. And even if the diagnosis were somehow wrong I would still not be able to go back to being the person I was earlier this summer. I find myself contemplating a whole new course for my future. But before that future begins to unfold I may very well revisit the past in a most intensive way. Indeed, I am contemplating legal action.
Two issues stand out in my mind. One is my amazement that a variety of mental health care providers somehow missed the PTSD over the course of more than a decade. How two psychiatrists and two psychologists in different states managed to miss this astounds me. And so I have been contemplating putting on my detective hat and reconnecting with each of them. I want to try to understand how it is that these people missed something so important. It saddens me that I was carrying around this "disorder" for so many years without receiving the proper help.
The second issue involves my family of origin. I have borne burdens that no person should be asked to carry. Much of my childhood is a blank. I cannot remember months and years throughout different stretches of time. I had my toys stolen when my father's marriage to his second wife (my first stepmother) ended. This is a testament to how vindictive she was. A boy of the age I was at the time should not have to endure such cruelty. No child should be made to suffer in such a way. I do not know how long I will need treatment but I have decided it is ridiculous for me to continue to carry the burden of this harm by myself. And so I am contemplating suing my father. There are other parties that I have thought to involve in this process as well.
In discussing the idea of legal action with friends I have repeatedly been encouraged to consider whether such a course of action will prove worthwhile. That is a very good question. Who knows if the stress of pursuing legal action may prove worth what I could ultimately gain from it. The only way to know for sure is to try. I am leaning very heavily in the direction of pursuing such action. I will be discussing this with my therapist in an upcoming session.
Who would have thought that August would prove to be such an interesting month. One goal I have, among many, is to make a decision by the end of the month as to whether I will indeed pursue legal recourse. I need to determine if dredging up the painful past could ultimately benefit me. If I could procure a settlement in the process that helps me to restart my life then it might indeed be worthwhile.
I appreciate those of you who follow my blog. I intend to keep writing. I wish you all the best. Please keep me in your thoughts regardless of how well you know me. There are all too many people recovering from PTSD.