August Rocky Road

Friday, August 2, 2013


There is one very significant down side to starting a comprehensive healing process in the summer.  Everyone loves to go on vacation in August!  When you are dealing with an orthopedist, a chiropractor, an acupuncturist, a therapist and a primary care doctor it is almost inevitable that one of them is going to be on vacation at some point in August.  And to add a little spice to the mix I learned today that they will be resurfacing the floors at the YMCA where I now have a membership.  This means that many of the classes will be juggled around or cancelled.  It's such fun when you are attempting to find a new rhythm in your life to facilitate your own healing process.

I find myself becoming more accepting and able to let go of my previous plans.  These are the plans and ideas I had before the illustrious diagnosis of late June.  And even if the diagnosis were somehow wrong I would still not be able to go back to being the person I was earlier this summer.  I find myself contemplating a whole new course for my future.  But before that future begins to unfold I may very well revisit the past in a most intensive way.  Indeed, I am contemplating legal action.

Two issues stand out in my mind.  One is my amazement that a variety of mental health care providers somehow missed the PTSD over the course of more than a decade.  How two psychiatrists and two psychologists in different states managed to miss this astounds me.  And so I have been contemplating putting on my detective hat and reconnecting with each of them.  I want to try to understand how it is that these people missed something so important.  It saddens me that I was carrying around this "disorder" for so many years without receiving the proper help.

The second issue involves my family of origin.  I have borne burdens that no person should be asked to carry.  Much of my childhood is a blank.  I cannot remember months and years throughout different stretches of time.  I had my toys stolen when my father's marriage to his second wife (my first stepmother) ended.  This is a testament to how vindictive she was.  A boy of the age I was at the time should not have to endure such cruelty.  No child should be made to suffer in such a way.  I do not know how long I will need treatment but I have decided it is ridiculous for me to continue to carry the burden of this harm by myself.  And so I am contemplating suing my father.  There are other parties that I have thought to involve in this process as well.

In discussing the idea of legal action with friends I have repeatedly been encouraged to consider whether such a course of action will prove worthwhile.  That is a very good question.  Who knows if the stress of pursuing legal action may prove worth what I could ultimately gain from it.  The only way to know for sure is to try.  I am leaning very heavily in the direction of pursuing such action.  I will be discussing this with my therapist in an upcoming session.

Who would have thought that August would prove to be such an interesting month.  One goal I have, among many, is to make a decision by the end of the month as to whether I will indeed pursue legal recourse.  I need to determine if dredging up the painful past could ultimately benefit me.  If I could procure a settlement in the process that helps me to restart my life then it might indeed be worthwhile.

I appreciate those of you who follow my blog.  I intend to keep writing.  I wish you all the best.  Please keep me in your thoughts regardless of how well you know me.  There are all too many people recovering from PTSD.