Saturday, August 10, 2013

In the Trenches

Saturday, August 10, 2013

My life of Hercules continues to unfold each and every day.  I am actually starting to feel accustomed to writing my blog now.  I even look forward to writing most days.  And this is true for days in which I am quite unsure what I will write about.

Lately I have been trying not to mourn the fact that by the time I really start to get my health and life in order the leaves will be falling from the trees and winter will be on its way to Minnesota.  This summer became such a different summer after my unexpected diagnosis.  I need to find a way to move beyond mourning and focus solely on the process of healing.  Yet the most difficult aspect of the process may soon start to unfold.

This past week I began reaching out in an effort to locate legal resources that may prove of help to me as I contemplate the possibility of attempting to sue my father for the child abuse and endangerment that  triggered the development of my PTSD.  According to the lawyers I have consulted thus far it seems I do not have a case.  One lawyer I called who practices in Texas was particularly rude and abrupt.  My very curt interaction with him reminded me of why I would never live in that state again.  The Texas standard of child care, welfare and human decency is a fairly low standard.  I am going to continue calling people and looking at my situation from every angle possible.  Just today I thought of another angle to explore.

In early 2012 I interviewed for a position with the US Navy Reserve.  The interview followed a long application process from the previous summer.  My application ultimately did not move forward.  I gave up attempting to get into the Navy after that.  I thought back on that time in my life today and considered this past scenario in a new light.  Had my application actually moved forward and I had reached the stage of receiving a medical screening my PTSD might have been unmasked at that time.  I would most certainly have been saved some additional time walking around without knowing about it had it been discovered then.  But it also seems extremely likely that the discovery of PTSD then would have automatically disqualified me from consideration for the Navy Reserve.  It would seem to follow that perhaps I could argue for damages from my father in the context of a legal case on the basis that the PTSD arising from my childhood trauma has reduced the employment opportunities I could realistically pursue.  Shouldn't loss of economic opportunity be worth something in a court of law?  Proving the PTSD developed in response to my childhood would be the easy part of a case it seems.  Proving this condition has limited the range of career options I can realistically pursue is a different matter.

I continue to do my physical therapy each and every day.  My physical health is continuing to improve.  I hope to be done with the physical therapy by the end of August or early in September.  For those of you who are wondering I was prescribed physical therapy to deal with some issues I was having in my back, hip and left knee.  Each day I live tends to feature a whole roller coaster of miniature emotional highs and lows.  Naturally I feel the endorphin rush after exercising; later in the day I often feel something of an emotional dip when I reflect on how I feel I will need to maintain a rigorous daily routine for the rest of my life.  Obviously there is nothing wrong with maintaining such a discipline.  The challenge rather is adapting myself to it.  Developing healthy habits that last a lifetime is not something one typically accomplishes overnight.  Healthy habit formation requires diligence, patience, humor and a willingness to be gentle with yourself when apparent setbacks occur.

I plan to continue my medical history retrospective this coming week.  I hope to speak with a few other mental health care professionals I previously worked with.  One way I feel I can better come to terms with the diagnosis and move forward is to develop at least some degree of understanding as to how my PTSD condition was missed for so long.  Given the conversations I have scheduled I expect it is going to prove an illuminating week!

See you back online Monday!

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!