Waking Up

Friday, August 29, 2014

Where does the conscious awareness reside within a human being?  This was a thought that went through my mind as I was eating a cookie after my lunch at Abbott Northwestern Hospital.  I have some profound thoughts at the most unexpected of times.

Yesterday I wrote about “tasting something again…for the first time.”  I posted a commercial discoverable on YouTube made in the year 1990 that featured Kelloggs corn flakes.  It was a bit amusing to watch.  Not only did the commercial itself strike me as a bit ‘old school’ but the quality of the recording definitely had that pre-year 2000 feel about it.  When I am not feeling immense sadness I find myself chuckling at that now seemingly archaic world that existed in 1990. 

In 1990 I was still in high school.  The Internet was not yet a publically accessible phenomenon.  The undergraduate students who have arrived to attend school at the University of Minnesota did not yet exist…unless they are older students not typical of the undergraduate college student demographic.  In 1990 the Berlin Wall had only recently fallen.  Then future President Bill Clinton was a relatively unknown person.  I have no idea what George W. Bush was doing in 1990 but I doubt it was all that significant.  When Bush went on to become President in 2000 I think it truly proved that anyone can become President in the United States.  Anyone!

As I noted above I was still in high school in 1990.  I was a teenager.  And I was unaware of how the trauma I had experienced years prior to 1990 was still affecting me.  Sometimes the subtle impact of egregious harm is not fully tangible.  I wish I would have enjoyed better health care and more attention from my father.  But it was not to be.

Despite how it may seem if you read my blog closely and regularly I do indeed feel myself at a point of imminent departure.  I am finally really and truly beginning to ‘get over’ the legacy of my early life.  Such freedom has not been easy to win.  I have been patiently working with my therapist for over a year.  In the last several months I am starting to recognize the emergence of a new person…or maybe actually the person I have always been.  This process of transformation is exciting, dizzying, demanding, confusing and surreal…and on occasion all at once.

Some time ago I found an article online that described significant signs that may indicate you are experiencing an awakening.  You can find the article here.  As I read through the signs I found myself recognizing that I have experienced a number of them.

I’ll be leaving soon on a Labor Day weekend getaway.  You can find new posts on my blog starting again next Monday, September 1^st.