Thursday, February 20, 2014

When One Person Disappears

Thursday, February 20, 2014


What might be the biggest snowstorm of the year is now about to begin here in the Twin Cities.  To say I am a bit weary of winter would be an understatement.  I am trying not to think much about the forecast for next week when the temperature is expected to plunge below 0F.  The growing storm will probably act like a giant mixmaster over Lake Superior.  There has been a lot of news coverage lately about how the Great Lakes are nearly completely iced over.  Yes, the winter has been that severe.

Late winter is such an excellent time to practice focusing on the positive in your life.  When weariness regarding the hibernation of the world outside your windows grips you it's a good time to look inward and count your blessings.  I have been reminded of the goodness in my life yet again due to unfortunate tragedy that has impacted someone I still have not met in person.

Two months ago I completed my fellowship I was awarded through the American Council on Germany.  It was a long time in coming.  Since then I have been looking for new work.  I have actually been looking to proceed in an entirely new direction. (Unexpected diagnoses can have a way of broadsiding a person)  One place I have been exploring for potential leads to start a new direction is the Nature Based Therapeutics program within the Center for Spirituality and Healing at the University of Minnesota.  I had been engaged in something of a dialogue with the faculty lead of the NBT program for the last couple months.  Then the unthinkable happened.  She was in an accident.  I have the impression the entire program at the University of Minnesota could be seriously impacted by her unexpected absence.  It is amazing what can happen when a single person disappears from our lives.  And thus I reach my topic for today.

I believe it not unusual for persons with personal histories that include extensive trauma to feel quite sensitive to the most minor of unfortunate incidents, losses, setbacks and so on.  This has been my experience.  I actually spoke about this theme with my therapist the other day; this recent misfortune is not the first time a person somewhat close to me has suffered some grave misfortune whose impact then ripples out and affects innumerable lives.  Sometimes being alive and truly awake in this world is hard.  Loss is inevitable.  Pain is also inevitable.  But suffering, supposedly, is optional.  Aye, there is the challenge.

I was impressed by the 'rant' a local acquaintance posted on Facebook recently.  I do not know him well but I sense he is quite a quality guy.  Reading between the lines I sense he is a sensitive man with a lot to offer others.  He alluded to the issue of entitlement.  Encountering entitled people is certainly something I do not enjoy.  I have known such loss in my own life that it has been difficult (thankfully) for me to get too caught up in the illusion that I will always have everything I want in my life and my life will always run smoothly.  And so when I meet people who can honestly feel as if their whole day is ruined because their coffee wasn't quite hot enough (or insert your own minor event here)  I find myself struggle to be patient and open.  Such issues as the temperature of coffee or arriving five minutes late to an event are so very minor when compared to the major issues that seem to be growing in this country.  What does the temperature of your coffee matter when you look around at what we are faced with in this nation as well as across the world?

As I alluded to recently in my blog our weather across the entire nation is seriously bizarre.  We'll have more snow than what we know what to do with here in Minnesota by Friday night.  Meanwhile, California is the driest it has been since about 1580.  England is flooding, roses are blooming in Germany in February and meanwhile many humans are still doing what they do well...namely treating each other poorly.  I recall the following quote to mind from one of my favorite authors, Leo Tolstoy:


“Though men in their hundreds of thousands had tried their hardest to disfigure that little corner of the earth where they had crowded themselves together, paving the ground with stones so that nothing could grow, weeding out every blade of vegetation, filling the air with the fumes of coal and gas, cutting down trees and driving away every beast and every bird -- spring, however, was still spring, even in the town. The sun shone warm, the grass, wherever it had not been scraped away, revived and showed green not only on the narrow strips of lawn on the boulevards but between the paving-stones as well, and the birches, the poplars and the wild cherry-trees were unfolding their sticky, fragrant leaves, and the swelling buds were bursting on the lime trees; the jackdaws, the sparrows and the pigeons were cheerfully getting their nests ready for the spring, and the flies, warmed by the sunshine, buzzed gaily along the walls. All were happy -- plants, birds, insects and children. But grown-up people -- adult men and women -- never left off cheating and tormenting themselves and one another. It was not this spring morning which they considered sacred and important, not the beauty of God's world, given to all creatures to enjoy -- a beauty which inclines the heart to peace, to harmony and to love. No, what they considered sacred and important were their own devices for wielding power over each other.”

I cannot now recall easily what book this quote is taken from but I do know I read the book in question.  And this quote has stayed with me ever since.  I have a sense that Tolstoy appreciated the amazing isness of all creation...and how self-absorbed human beings can be all the while the world about them is showing such splendor and magic.  I still see it every day.  Do you?

And this brings me to an even deeper question...a question that has been in my conscious awareness lately.  Do we humans as a species have the power to change our collective behavior?  I believe we do have that power.  The better question perhaps is this: Will we use our power in a constructive way?

I think the 21st century is probably going to prove to be the most transformational one the human race has ever experienced.  But in what direction will we proceed?  That is the question of the moment.

When I find myself in conflict with another person one technique I have occasionally attempted to employ is to actively see that person as the child of two people.  By this I do not mean I focus on a person as being 'childish'...even if their behavior would legitimately lead to that conclusion.  Rather I try to remind myself that we are all someone's son or daughter.  We were all children once.  We are all trying to make our way in this world.  Some days are easy.  Other days are not.  And on a fundamental level I do believe what we all want most is love devoid of conditions and demands.  We want to be loved for our fundamental dignity that we possess irregardless of who we are, what we do, where we live, who our friends are and so on.

I think love is the only real answer...to anything.



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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!