Sunday, February 23, 2014

A Priest, A Therapist and an Aikido Instructor Walk Into A Bar

Sunday, February 23, 2014

I am at one of my favorite haunts this morning, namely the cafeteria at Abbott Northwestern Hospital.  It's actually an amazingly good place to get some quality writing done on a Sunday morning.  The well within me seems to be bubbling up again this morning so here goes.

Yesterday, after completing the listening training class at the Basilica of St. Mary, I spoke with Fr. Bauer about this most unpleasant pattern in my life in which I keep allowing people into my life and later end up feeling quite wounded or betrayed.  It's become quite wearisome.  Indeed, I want to throw up my hands and scream to the Cosmos to just show me....the....d***...way.  I have been in this place before in my life as well.  Indeed, occasionally I wonder if I will ever emerge from this rut of hardship.  I look around at my life and sometimes wonder what in the world happened.

In talking with Fr. Bauer yesterday I attempted to identify the common elements to the debacles of recent months.  I have identified a few themes.  One aspect to my pattern is that I tend to let people into my life too quickly.  I also seem to effortlessly attract people who somehow are so unconscious that they cannot accept or even identify their portion of responsibility for what later occurs.  This has happened repeatedly.  I keep thinking I have learned how to have healthier boundaries (and I do believe I have learned quite a bit) but then I keep having these experiences that leave me wondering if my sense of the reality of who I am is a bit skewed.

One interesting bit of wisdom came to me twice yesterday.  While speaking with Fr. Bauer he mentioned the work of Richard Rohr.  He specifically said something about how if you don't transmute your pain you will quite possibly transmit it.  That's not an encouraging scenario!  Later, while attending the closing session Rohr is a Franciscan, contemporary theologian, writer and facilitator who was ordained in the Catholic Church in 1970.  This is all I know of him at the moment.

When the same name or idea appears in my life more than once in rapid succession I interpret it as a cue from the Cosmos to pay attention and explore whatever is appearing.  I believe this is a very healthy approach.  Indeed, what kind of person would any of us become if we consistently ignore that which repeatedly appears in our life?  When a consistent pattern appears in our lives I believe it is wise to pay attention...if for no other reason than I do not want the potential karma that can come when I ignore playful hints from the Cosmos to....PAY ATTENTION!

I am also going to take some time later today to simply reflect on what I am feeling and lay out my circumstances before the Creator.  I struggle to use the word God given its existing connotations and the baggage I already have related to that word.  I hope some sense of greater calm and clarity will settle upon me.


I watched a YouTube video of Richard Rohr giving a presentation at Texas Lutheran University.  He spoke about the first and second half of life.  It was an interesting way of viewing life...including my own.  When I go to therapy on Monday I'm going to use this concept as a frame for speaking about how to move forward from where I am now.

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