Monday, February 24, 2014
Last week I was able to articulate what my greatest fear is. I did so while meeting with my therapist. I wasn't exactly expecting what I arrived at.
Seeing my mother last year helped me to awaken my awareness to my most ancient fear. As I spoke in session last week I first acknowledged an old fear I once held that somehow one day I might become like my mother...namely schizophrenic and not able to function as a contributing member of society. But as I spoke more I realized that fear wasn't my 'greatest' fear.
When you become sick you can become vulnerable. Whether you become weak as a result of illness there is nonetheless the possibility of being perceived as being weak due to being ill. When ill it can become necessary to trust in the power and integrity of health care professionals to help you become well again. Allowing yourself to be cared for requires a certain amount of vulnerability. And so I was able to reach the heart of the matter.
My greatest fear is not that I would one day potentially become seriously ill. No, my greatest fear is that such illness would require me to trust others in a most intimate way. The healing process can require us to allow complete strangers into our lives to help us. And that can be a very scary experience...especially when we have been deeply hurt very early in our own development.
To overcome our fears we first must be consciously aware of them.
Last week I was able to articulate what my greatest fear is. I did so while meeting with my therapist. I wasn't exactly expecting what I arrived at.
Seeing my mother last year helped me to awaken my awareness to my most ancient fear. As I spoke in session last week I first acknowledged an old fear I once held that somehow one day I might become like my mother...namely schizophrenic and not able to function as a contributing member of society. But as I spoke more I realized that fear wasn't my 'greatest' fear.
When you become sick you can become vulnerable. Whether you become weak as a result of illness there is nonetheless the possibility of being perceived as being weak due to being ill. When ill it can become necessary to trust in the power and integrity of health care professionals to help you become well again. Allowing yourself to be cared for requires a certain amount of vulnerability. And so I was able to reach the heart of the matter.
My greatest fear is not that I would one day potentially become seriously ill. No, my greatest fear is that such illness would require me to trust others in a most intimate way. The healing process can require us to allow complete strangers into our lives to help us. And that can be a very scary experience...especially when we have been deeply hurt very early in our own development.
To overcome our fears we first must be consciously aware of them.
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