Saturday, February 8, 2014
I just completed my full day of Listening training at the Basilica of St. Mary. I feel a bit more tired than I expected to. Being an attentive listener is not always an easy activity to engage in. I was aware that this class might bring up some of the pain in my own personal history...and it certainly did that.
Described in yet another way the principle issue I have had with my paternal family of origin is feeling that I was never fully seen or appreciated...not just for who I am as an adult but also for the pain I experienced growing up in a household impacted so deeply by mental illness and violence. The sadness and grief I have carried are continuing to heal as I do therapy. But I would be lying if I claimed there was none left within me...old grief or otherwise. In focusing on the topic of attentive listening I could not help but remember how I felt unseen and not fully heard throughout so much of my childhood. It was deeply painful. And as I have mentioned in earlier entries in my blog that pain was so severe that I began to unconsciously dissociate as a means of coping. I finally do not do that now. Now I am dealing with the grief I feel as I have come into a fuller awareness of how I was perceiving the world with a dulled awareness for so many, many years.
It's still winter outside. I feel eager for Spring and the beginning of new life. Who knows when that will begin. I continue to practice that discipline known as patience. I do my best to focus on what I can change and pay as little attention as possible to what is beyond my control. The only person I can truly change is me.
Despite my current slight fatigue I feel grateful for the opportunity to engage in this training. I found the leadership team professional, insightful and fun to interact with. I am confident I will have a good experience in the remaining trainings.
I am ready to throw off my serious focus and go have some fun tonight. And I have made some fun plans!
I just completed my full day of Listening training at the Basilica of St. Mary. I feel a bit more tired than I expected to. Being an attentive listener is not always an easy activity to engage in. I was aware that this class might bring up some of the pain in my own personal history...and it certainly did that.
Described in yet another way the principle issue I have had with my paternal family of origin is feeling that I was never fully seen or appreciated...not just for who I am as an adult but also for the pain I experienced growing up in a household impacted so deeply by mental illness and violence. The sadness and grief I have carried are continuing to heal as I do therapy. But I would be lying if I claimed there was none left within me...old grief or otherwise. In focusing on the topic of attentive listening I could not help but remember how I felt unseen and not fully heard throughout so much of my childhood. It was deeply painful. And as I have mentioned in earlier entries in my blog that pain was so severe that I began to unconsciously dissociate as a means of coping. I finally do not do that now. Now I am dealing with the grief I feel as I have come into a fuller awareness of how I was perceiving the world with a dulled awareness for so many, many years.
It's still winter outside. I feel eager for Spring and the beginning of new life. Who knows when that will begin. I continue to practice that discipline known as patience. I do my best to focus on what I can change and pay as little attention as possible to what is beyond my control. The only person I can truly change is me.
Despite my current slight fatigue I feel grateful for the opportunity to engage in this training. I found the leadership team professional, insightful and fun to interact with. I am confident I will have a good experience in the remaining trainings.
I am ready to throw off my serious focus and go have some fun tonight. And I have made some fun plans!
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