Friday, November 22, 2013
Winter made us aware of its growing power yesterday as temperatures plummeted and snow began falling across Minnesota. The snow accumulation was by no means impressive; while venturing out in the evening to pick up a prescription at Walgreens it appeared that the world had been covered with a thin (in some places nearly transparent) frosting. I suppose it could put you in the holiday spirit to see much of the outdoor world covered in what you would expect to see on holiday sugar cookies.
Despite the cold and enshrouding darkness I found myself awake and relatively alert today before 6 a.m. It seems a bit ludicrous to be up at such an hour if you don't have to be. And yet there was no mistaking it when I awoke this morning that I truly felt sufficiently rested to be able to stay awake and even start being sufficiently productive such that I could do some writing.
It's a bit strange to be me these days. A certain backwardness seems to prevail. This past summer I found myself unexpectedly consumed with a whole litany of efforts to improve my health. I found myself feeling nearly perpetually overwhelmed; my diagnosis came at the high point of the cycle of the seasons...only four days after the Summer Solstice. Thus began my quest to address my interior darkness at the time of most intense light. As summer matured I maintained my focus and committed to my recovery regardless of how difficult it might prove to be. I imagined my feelings were a bit like that a farmer has when he casts seeds in his fields with the faith that his efforts will eventually bear fruit. July and August came and went in a blur. In late August I finally no longer felt truly depressed. I felt anger, frustration and sadness but the depression waned.
My progress has continued ever since. My improvement has certainly not moved in a straight line. I have good days and bad days. But the trend of my trajectory is upwards. Now five months later I can honestly say I feel fairly good much of the time. It still feels weird to recognize how much I feel in my body so much of the time. This is still not a feeling I am accustomed to. In time I believe that will change as well. Exercise and a Minnesota winter are effective ways to put one firmly in touch with how the body feels. The time of greatest darkness in the wheel of the year is now approaching. I feel that I am doing amazingly well. And I will continue to use my light box, exercise, medication and therapy as major tools in my journey of healing.
Tomorrow I will meet with a local chiropractor who also does shamanic healing journeys. I am excited to make this journey and feel it will further aid my healing process. I obviously cannot know what I will think and feel during the process nor how I will feel once I am on the other side of the experience. I only know I am eager to move forward and confident that the practitioner I am scheduled to see will work well with me. I was referred to her by my therapist.
Tomorrow I will also meet with my fellow contestants of the Mister Minneapolis Eagle contest. It's been an interesting week of coming down (slowly) from the high I felt last weekend. It will be fun and informative to debrief on how we have all been doing.
Aloha!
Winter made us aware of its growing power yesterday as temperatures plummeted and snow began falling across Minnesota. The snow accumulation was by no means impressive; while venturing out in the evening to pick up a prescription at Walgreens it appeared that the world had been covered with a thin (in some places nearly transparent) frosting. I suppose it could put you in the holiday spirit to see much of the outdoor world covered in what you would expect to see on holiday sugar cookies.
Despite the cold and enshrouding darkness I found myself awake and relatively alert today before 6 a.m. It seems a bit ludicrous to be up at such an hour if you don't have to be. And yet there was no mistaking it when I awoke this morning that I truly felt sufficiently rested to be able to stay awake and even start being sufficiently productive such that I could do some writing.
It's a bit strange to be me these days. A certain backwardness seems to prevail. This past summer I found myself unexpectedly consumed with a whole litany of efforts to improve my health. I found myself feeling nearly perpetually overwhelmed; my diagnosis came at the high point of the cycle of the seasons...only four days after the Summer Solstice. Thus began my quest to address my interior darkness at the time of most intense light. As summer matured I maintained my focus and committed to my recovery regardless of how difficult it might prove to be. I imagined my feelings were a bit like that a farmer has when he casts seeds in his fields with the faith that his efforts will eventually bear fruit. July and August came and went in a blur. In late August I finally no longer felt truly depressed. I felt anger, frustration and sadness but the depression waned.
My progress has continued ever since. My improvement has certainly not moved in a straight line. I have good days and bad days. But the trend of my trajectory is upwards. Now five months later I can honestly say I feel fairly good much of the time. It still feels weird to recognize how much I feel in my body so much of the time. This is still not a feeling I am accustomed to. In time I believe that will change as well. Exercise and a Minnesota winter are effective ways to put one firmly in touch with how the body feels. The time of greatest darkness in the wheel of the year is now approaching. I feel that I am doing amazingly well. And I will continue to use my light box, exercise, medication and therapy as major tools in my journey of healing.
Tomorrow I will meet with a local chiropractor who also does shamanic healing journeys. I am excited to make this journey and feel it will further aid my healing process. I obviously cannot know what I will think and feel during the process nor how I will feel once I am on the other side of the experience. I only know I am eager to move forward and confident that the practitioner I am scheduled to see will work well with me. I was referred to her by my therapist.
Tomorrow I will also meet with my fellow contestants of the Mister Minneapolis Eagle contest. It's been an interesting week of coming down (slowly) from the high I felt last weekend. It will be fun and informative to debrief on how we have all been doing.
Aloha!
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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!