Friday, November 15, 2013

And Now For Something Positive and Exciting

Friday, November 15, 2013

Today marks the beginning of a weekend I am sure to never forget...unless I one day develop Alzheimer's.  I have a vivid and somewhat dark sense of humor (due in part to the trauma I have experienced in my life no doubt) so it is easy for me to imagine dark scenarios.  The challenge in healing from something like PTSD is to not get stuck in something like an automatic loop and continually imagine that the future has to or will look identical to the past.

I am competing in a contest this weekend called the Mister Minneapolis Eagle 2014 contest.  I am finally allowing my interest in leather and the leather community to lead me in a new direction of exploration and discovery.  I am quite excited by the journey; some days I feel like I have opened Pandora's box and will never be able to close it.  But that isn't necessarily a bad thing!  Whatever happens this weekend I feel like I am going to emerge on the other side as a profoundly different person.  I'm going to reveal more of my self and take the immense risk of experiencing the response from what will likely be hundreds of people while standing on stage.  I am feeling both trepidation and excitement.

I have noted in recent posts how I am beginning to feel much more in my body than I have in a very long time.  My greatest fear in revealing more of my core self this weekend at the contest is not so much any disapproval I might experience but rather that the experience might be so jarring or overwhelming that I will feel a little traumatized by it and somehow emerge from the experience feeling worse for wear.  I don't want to do anything that will seriously risk my own healing process.  And I don't sense that will happen but it certainly is a reasonable fear that has passed through my mind more than once.

It's a beautiful Friday morning here in Minneapolis.  It's a bit cold outside but nothing extraordinary for mid November.  It was a very wise choice I made to take a Vitamin D supplement throughout the year...and most especially during the darker half of the year.  I continue to feel better and better and am optimistic that I will heal more fully in good time.  It is a process that requires patience and strength.  I have not felt as strong as I do now in quite a long time.

I intend to write in my blog tomorrow (and maybe even Sunday).  If somehow I run out of time and cannot write tomorrow you can be sure I will write again on Monday.  And I intend to share details of this weekend.


No comments:

Post a Comment

I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!