Thursday, November 21, 2013

The Great Archeological Dig: Descending Into Another Layer

Thursday, November 21, 2013


I have yet another appointment scheduled for next Monday designed to assist me in continuing to restore my health.  There have been moments when I wonder if I am going a bit overboard and being virtually neurotic about taking care of my health.  The antithesis of neglect is something I suppose you could call 'over-care'.  I do indeed believe there is such a thing as being obsessive about your health.  If every minor pain or irritation prompts a whirlwind of anxious and pessimistic thoughts you have to wonder if perhaps you have a streak of hypochondria.  I do not believe that is true for me though.

Later today, after first composing some of the content for this posting, I forwarded a listing of all the head trauma I can recall experiencing to my primary care doctor.  He quite promptly responded to my email with an offer to refer me to a local traumatic brain injury clinic.  Feeling it wise to review this aspect of my health I asked for the referral.  And now I am feeling quite anxious.  I am doing my best to keep myself busy so I do not think too much about what I will experience next week.  So I now have one appointment scheduled for cranial sacral therapy.  And I am waiting to hear back from the local traumatic brain injury clinic after my file is reviewed.

It's a little unsettling when I think of how suddenly the incident of falling down the stairs returned to my conscious awareness.  It leaves me a little perplexed and leads me to wonder if there are other incidents I mindlessly blew off that in actuality affected me more than I first felt they did.  I am not expecting any sort of deep, dark, life changing news next week.  But then again I was not expecting to be informed of a PTSD diagnosis in June.  Surprises of that sort can have the effect of seriously deflating enthusiasm.  But I will continue to march onwards and remain committed to the path of healing I am charting for myself.  I simply have no idea where walking this path is going to lead me over the course of time.  I feel like I am walking into a dark and unknown territory with only my own wits and the strength of my friends and family to support me.

I continue to regularly experience moments of feeling very much in my body and then other moments when I feel as if I am doing a bit of something that has the quality of disassociation.  Every day I wake up is a new adventure!  I cannot easily predict how I am going to feel, what I will experience, what 'new' people I am going to meet and where the path forward will lead me.  This time is exciting, exhausting, exhilarating, scary, weird and surreal.


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