Friday, February 13, 2015

It's Time To Go Deeper

Friday, February 13, 2015

I have recently written about the issue of compassion fatigue.  According to the Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project a variety of symptoms may be associated with compassion fatigue.  I am listing these symptoms below along with a short commentary regarding my own personal story.

Excessive blaming - I certainly did this plenty back before I sought out additional treatment.  I had every right to feel upset because my father and other significant figures in my life did repeatedly fail to care for me well.  But eventually you have to let go of the hurt and seek out people who will be there for you.

Bottled up emotions - I had a lot of grief, sadness and anger that went unresolved for a very long time.

Isolation from others - I sometimes engage in this coping mechanism when I feel overwhelmed by the behavior of others.

Receives unusual amount of complaints from others - I haven't experienced this too frequently.

Voices excessive complaints about administrative functions - Dysfunctional workplace environments can undermine my own wellness.

Substance abuse used to mask feelings - I feel fortunate to have never struggled with this.

Compulsive behaviors such as overspending, overeating, gambling, sexual addictions - My primary challenge in regards to this cluster of behaviors has been to better manage my financial resources.

Poor self-care - When I feel especially unmotivated I may be loathe to shave on a regular basis.

Legal problems, indebtedness - During the initial phase of my recovery process I sought out legal resources to determine if I could possibly sue my father.  This ultimately was not tenable.  Walking away from my dysfunctional family of origin ultimately was a better choice.

Reoccurrence of nightmares and flashbacks to traumatic event - This is not uncommon for individuals who meet criteria for a PTSD diagnosis.  I sometimes have nightmares.

Chronic physical ailments such as gastrointestinal problems and recurrent colds - I have experienced some significant bouts of illness in the last few years.  I am still learning to take better care of myself.

Apathy, sad, no longer finds activities pleasurable - I have become increasingly aware of the persistent and immense sadness I carried around for much of my life.  When I was first attending treatment I had to initially deal with my feelings of anger and outrage.  Underneath these feelings was my longstanding sadness.

Difficulty concentrating - I have certainly experienced this.  When a person is re-traumatized any number of symptoms can be present.  I can recall having difficulty concentrating in the immediate aftermath of distressing events or interactions with others.

Mentally and physically tired - I felt fairly mentally exhausted after I finished graduate school in 2011.  Considering the fact that I had not given adequate attention to the trauma in my early life history this is not at all surprising.

Preoccupation - I suspect this symptom can be very common when we are trying to do more in life than we can manage.

In denial about problems - This would accurately describe my father.


I will be starting an intensive program next week which I hope will turbo-charge my healing process.  I would like to find a way to work through my remaining issues in an effective and timely way.

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!