I'm Not The Man I Once Was

Friday, January 2, 2015


The New Year of 2015 is in full swing.  I feel excited about the possibilities of this new year.  I just completed my first day of work in 2015.  It was boring.  It was tedious.  And I suppose it was necessary.  But I feel myself on my way to better things.

I began writing up my goals for this new year last night once I arrived home.  Prior to that I had great fun with my friend Carol Watson, Thomas and a number of others.  There was even some unexpected eye candy for me to resist openly drooling over.  Yesterday was yet another reminder that laughter is something I need more of in my life.  I have appreciated this truth for some time now.  I suppose it really became clear how much my life lacked a needed element of pleasure and lightheartedness last year once I was in the depths of psychotherapy.

Speaking of psychotherapy it seems I can quite clearly imagine its eventual end at some point in this new calendar year.  I feel quite confident I could stop now and survive if it was necessary for me to do so.  But this is the year I want to finally succeed at moving beyond mere survival to the better state of thriving.  It's about time that I did so actually.  I have worked plenty hard to transcend the limiting circumstances of my early life history.  So I plan to continue with therapy for at least another six months.

As for my blog I am not sure exactly what will unfold as I continue to write.  I know that I do intend to continue writing something.  But I clearly see that my need for the outlet I have found in this blog is changing.  Though I still have my bad days and difficult moments (who doesn't?) it is clear that my need to vent is nothing compared to what it was during those truly depressing days of July and August in the summer of 2013 when I first was back on the conscious journey of therapy supported self-inquiry.

I intend to continue to do my best to be an ethical person in 2015.  I have one shining moment from earlier today I will share.  It is an anecdote I shared on Facebook earlier today.

I called Macys today and disclosed how I was feeling uncomfortable about how the Mall of America store in Bloomington displays some of its products in the Housewares section where I worked. I specifically referenced how the department allows full cutlery sets to be displayed on shelving that could be reached by small children. All it would take is a small child breaking away from his/her distracted parent, dashing into that section of Macys and climbing on some very accessible shelves for a preventable tragedy to happen. The thought of a child accidentally getting stabbed because of a poor store policy is not something I wanted to entertain. But the thought was in my mind after I discovered how the cutlery was presented in the store.

I don't want to work for a company or organization that isn't more proactive about the safety of its smallest customers.

I know my own childhood informs how I see the world now. I'm often one of the first people to notice potential safety hazards. In a way I think this is a good thing.

I intend to spend this weekend letting the second course of antibiotics I am now taking continue to work their expected magic.  And I will be actively visualizing what I wish to experience this year.