Friday, March 7, 2014
I found it difficult to wake up this morning. The days are growing longer quite rapidly now so I can't really blame the darkness for my difficulty in waking up. Some time ago (several years perhaps?) I noticed I began preferring to have a long amount of time to wake up in the mornings before I attempt to be productive in any real way. Eventually my preference morphed into a necessity. Now being at all rushed in the morning feels positively invasive. I like to ease into my days without a lot of rush. Is this a sign of maturity? I don't know.
I have also been waking up in a different way. I'm waking up (again on a certain level) to how much self-absorption, hate and genuine paranoia there is in the world. Is a lot of this unfortunate human behavior a result of unhealed trauma in the persons involved? Perhaps. I am inclined to believe this is one valid explanation. It's easy to feel down after the events of this last week. Between the assault on a friend in downtown Minneapolis last Saturday night, the dishonest behavior of my former housemate last month, my friend Keith being in the hospital overnight on Wednesday, my lack of unemployment benefits, the seemingly unending wait I am in as I search for work and continue to network with people, the slow transmutation of winter into spring that some days feels incredibly, excruciatingly slow, the many weeks I have waited for a check to arrive from New York City and the extremely disappointing lack of response of the Artistic Director of the Twin Cities Gay Men's Chorus to my recent request that he take a proactive role in addressing harassment within the organization I can honestly say I feel quite blah. And when I look at that laundry list of recent stressors and disappointments is it any wonder I feel a bit disinclined to jump out of bed and greet the day? I feel that I live the life of a hero each and every day.
Between now and the next time I meet with my therapist I believe it would be fruitful to play a little creative game with the metaphor of the Department of Unmet Needs which I referenced in my blog posting yesterday. Such a game would be a good challenge for my creative abilities! Oh look, I used an exclamation point. I am feeling some enthusiasm. This is a good sign.
So what is exciting and encouraging in my life right now? Let's see:
I know I am also waking up to how much greed there is in the world. I have always sensed this to be true but ever since I went back into therapy it's almost as if I am rediscovering a whole litany of realities in the world at large. Why do I talk about greed? Because most every time I hear about the latest buffoonery committed by someone who somehow managed to make it into Congress it seems that somewhere implicit in the story is a subtext of entitlement, greed or ignorance. Do I make sense? Or do I seem to be ranting? I think most kindergartners could behave better than most of our elected officials. Want an example? Read an article found here.
It's a strange world when children of kindergarten age are proving more inspirational than many members of Congress!
I found it difficult to wake up this morning. The days are growing longer quite rapidly now so I can't really blame the darkness for my difficulty in waking up. Some time ago (several years perhaps?) I noticed I began preferring to have a long amount of time to wake up in the mornings before I attempt to be productive in any real way. Eventually my preference morphed into a necessity. Now being at all rushed in the morning feels positively invasive. I like to ease into my days without a lot of rush. Is this a sign of maturity? I don't know.
I have also been waking up in a different way. I'm waking up (again on a certain level) to how much self-absorption, hate and genuine paranoia there is in the world. Is a lot of this unfortunate human behavior a result of unhealed trauma in the persons involved? Perhaps. I am inclined to believe this is one valid explanation. It's easy to feel down after the events of this last week. Between the assault on a friend in downtown Minneapolis last Saturday night, the dishonest behavior of my former housemate last month, my friend Keith being in the hospital overnight on Wednesday, my lack of unemployment benefits, the seemingly unending wait I am in as I search for work and continue to network with people, the slow transmutation of winter into spring that some days feels incredibly, excruciatingly slow, the many weeks I have waited for a check to arrive from New York City and the extremely disappointing lack of response of the Artistic Director of the Twin Cities Gay Men's Chorus to my recent request that he take a proactive role in addressing harassment within the organization I can honestly say I feel quite blah. And when I look at that laundry list of recent stressors and disappointments is it any wonder I feel a bit disinclined to jump out of bed and greet the day? I feel that I live the life of a hero each and every day.
Between now and the next time I meet with my therapist I believe it would be fruitful to play a little creative game with the metaphor of the Department of Unmet Needs which I referenced in my blog posting yesterday. Such a game would be a good challenge for my creative abilities! Oh look, I used an exclamation point. I am feeling some enthusiasm. This is a good sign.
So what is exciting and encouraging in my life right now? Let's see:
- I have moved forward with my plan to explore offering a class in healing trauma through storytelling at All God's Children Metropolitan Community Church. My colleague Paul Vogel and I have agreed to collaborate on this venture. I am excited by the possibilities that may unfold as I open myself to this possibility.
- The first stage of my Befriender Ministry training at the Basilica of St. Mary has come and gone. I'm still debating what degree of involvement I wish to have with the Basilica in the future. But at least it's another outlet for me to explore and seek out support for my own growth.
- I have gained about twenty-eight pounds since last July. Between eating really well and exercising frequently I have dramatically improved the quality of my health. I cannot remember ever feeling so physically strong.
- Spring is in fact coming. In the next several days we will finally begin to start melting some of the prodigious snowpack covering Minnesota. I'm already finding myself able to wear fewer layers. This is how we measure progress towards the warmer season here in Minnesota.
- I finally have a phone of my own! It arrived today in the mail. I can communicate with the outside world using a means other than Facebook and gmail. (As if those means are in themselves not relatively luxurious compared to what many people in the world have!)
I know I am also waking up to how much greed there is in the world. I have always sensed this to be true but ever since I went back into therapy it's almost as if I am rediscovering a whole litany of realities in the world at large. Why do I talk about greed? Because most every time I hear about the latest buffoonery committed by someone who somehow managed to make it into Congress it seems that somewhere implicit in the story is a subtext of entitlement, greed or ignorance. Do I make sense? Or do I seem to be ranting? I think most kindergartners could behave better than most of our elected officials. Want an example? Read an article found here.
It's a strange world when children of kindergarten age are proving more inspirational than many members of Congress!
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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!