If You Want Peace Work For Justice

Sunday, March 30, 2014

I am trying to breathe and relax this morning. It is not an easy activity. I am still quite upset. I realize I am going to have to let go...not just of the horrible memories I have from the way I was mistreated by some of the members of the Twin Cities Gay Men's Chorus...but also of the other times in my life when the behavior of others has let me down or even caused me grave harm. But letting go can be such an arduous process.

I know there are several deeper reasons why what happened last summer so upset me:

•  I was "putting all my eggs in one basket"
•  I felt thwarted in my simple desire to do something pleasurable that would bring me joy
•  I once again trusted people who later demonstrated they were not trustworthy in the slightest
•  I My life seemed to be without great joy or reward for a very long while

It's clear I invested too much energy in one place, namely the chorus I have spoken of. I should have diversified my activities and explored other communities of people at the same time. If I had done that the loss of this one outlet would not have been such an immense blow.

I didn't have enough opportunity as a child to play in a carefree way. I think inadequate play time can distort a person's developmental process later on. I haven't read up on this aspect of human development much but I sense it to be very true. Without balance our lives can quickly become drudgery.

I seem to have a habit of picking out the very people from a larger group who will later go on to leave me feeling immensely betrayed. Why do I keep picking out people who deeply violate my trust? Why do the people I give my trust to so often prove themselves so unworthy of my trust? These are questions I have been posing in therapy.

I have firmly come to appreciate the reality that a peaceful and prosperous society is made possible in large part by being a just one in which opportunity is truly open to all. When opportunity is lacking or when discrimination and corruption are rampant it is easy for people to become cynical, alienated, bitter and, if they go too far down the path paved with these dark qualities, they will (inevitably?) become angry, violent and vengeful. It's no wonder so many people in this nation have been suffering lately.  There has been relatively little opportunity. But there has been plenty of greed and avoidance of the real issues in this nation.

I want a way out.  Today is the New Moon in Aries.  I pray a new and better path is opening to me now.