Sunday, March 9, 2014
Today I made a decision that I hope will dramatically improve the current arc of my life. I decided to simply walk away from a situation that has caused me excessive stress. I am hoping that by walking away (rather than continue to engage the unappealing situation with my precious energy) I will be able to find a deeper peace of mind and move forward with what I want to accomplish with the remainder of my life.
When I was evicted last month I could have responded in any number of ways. One option was to pursue legal recourse. I kept that option somewhat open in my mind until today. I received a message from my former housemate last night indicating she had fallen on the ice recently. I felt badly for her. And I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was being truthful despite my own skepticism due to other recent experience. Yes, indeed, I am going to make a conscious effort to recognize that there indeed are trustworthy people out there in the world. I am not the only one...despite how many times it might have felt different being in my own skin.
I want to bring joy and happiness into my life and the world at large. I want to make choices that improve the quality of my own life and eliminate my own suffering...or at least reduce the likelihood of suffering needlessly for no real gain. There is enough pain in the world. I don't want to add to it. I want to dwell in the light rather than the darkness. I want to move in a direction defined by trust and peace of mind.
In essence I am taking a flying leap of faith. I am choosing to no longer engage with my former housemate about our past dispute. I am also choosing to no longer engage in any way with members or the leadership of the Twin Cities Gay Men's Chorus who I believe failed to interact with me in a respectful way. And I am choosing to no longer engage with some members of my paternal family of origin...unless something changes. Perhaps, by walking away, I can break the apparent cycle of effortlessly attracting one situation after another into my life in which the end result is me feeling devastated. And by breaking this repetitive pattern perhaps the wound in my psyche can completely heal and I will no longer feel overwhelmed, barraged, skewered and so on. And by walking away I can attend to my own internal bitterness.
It's time to attend to completing my process of healing.
Today I made a decision that I hope will dramatically improve the current arc of my life. I decided to simply walk away from a situation that has caused me excessive stress. I am hoping that by walking away (rather than continue to engage the unappealing situation with my precious energy) I will be able to find a deeper peace of mind and move forward with what I want to accomplish with the remainder of my life.
When I was evicted last month I could have responded in any number of ways. One option was to pursue legal recourse. I kept that option somewhat open in my mind until today. I received a message from my former housemate last night indicating she had fallen on the ice recently. I felt badly for her. And I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was being truthful despite my own skepticism due to other recent experience. Yes, indeed, I am going to make a conscious effort to recognize that there indeed are trustworthy people out there in the world. I am not the only one...despite how many times it might have felt different being in my own skin.
I want to bring joy and happiness into my life and the world at large. I want to make choices that improve the quality of my own life and eliminate my own suffering...or at least reduce the likelihood of suffering needlessly for no real gain. There is enough pain in the world. I don't want to add to it. I want to dwell in the light rather than the darkness. I want to move in a direction defined by trust and peace of mind.
In essence I am taking a flying leap of faith. I am choosing to no longer engage with my former housemate about our past dispute. I am also choosing to no longer engage in any way with members or the leadership of the Twin Cities Gay Men's Chorus who I believe failed to interact with me in a respectful way. And I am choosing to no longer engage with some members of my paternal family of origin...unless something changes. Perhaps, by walking away, I can break the apparent cycle of effortlessly attracting one situation after another into my life in which the end result is me feeling devastated. And by breaking this repetitive pattern perhaps the wound in my psyche can completely heal and I will no longer feel overwhelmed, barraged, skewered and so on. And by walking away I can attend to my own internal bitterness.
It's time to attend to completing my process of healing.
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