Sunday, March 2, 2014

The Challenge of Remaining Steadfast and Positive

Sunday, March 2, 2014

I was not planning to write in my blog again until tomorrow.  Some unexpected events from last night led me to change my thinking.

One of my friends was assaulted last night after leaving the EagleBolt Bar in downtown Minneapolis.  I do not know many details of the incident.  The last I heard he was at Hennepin County Medical Center with his jaw wired shut and a few teeth missing.  I don't know what the motive for the crime was.  I find it difficult to believe it could have been 'mere' pickpocketing considering how cold it was last night.  I can't imagine someone in their right mind thinking it's worth being outside in -10F weather for an extended time just to potentially mug someone.  Minnesotans are a hearty people but I think most have wearied of this winter by now.

Having someone relatively close to me be harmed in such a horrible way just reminds me of the gifts I have in my own life...including my own safety.  And yet it is difficult to not feel triggered once again by an event such as this.  Considering the fact that I lacked a sense of feeling consistently safe and secure throughout portions of my childhood it is easy to feel a bit overwhelmed and 'triggered' when something like this happens.  It's a beautifully sunny day outside (but still very cold) but I find myself still feeling sad, angry and bewildered.  And I feel quite weary too.  I am weary of looking forward to spring and yet still dealing with subzero temperatures in March!  I am weary of working hard to make my own situation better and feeling that my effort is bearing little fruit as of yet.  I am weary of interacting with, and being affected by, highly unethical people whose mental health also seems a bit questionable.  I grow especially weary and even a bit cynical when people who cause harm to others are not held accountable for their bad behavior.

I might attempt to pay a visit to the hospital tomorrow if my circumstances allow.  I need to continue to focus primarily on my own situation and moving forward in the direction of my goals.  It saddens me I cannot do more for my closest friends.  I'm still in recovery myself.

Today is yet another day to practice counting my blessings.

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