Spring Has (Technically) Arrived!

Thursday, March 20, 2014


I am excited to be able to say that Spring has technically arrived.  I am also excited to say that the likelihood of the temperature dropping below 0F is now quite small.  But I cannot say that about the threshold of 32F.  No, for that marker we have another month or so to go before we are not too likely to see freezing weather again.  Here in Minnesota Spring seems to come in gradual, incremental steps.
Gentle transitions can certainly be preferable.

So what is new in my life lately?  Well I am still working.  And I am trying to maintain a positive attitude despite the fact that it doesn't seem like my current position is really going to get me anywhere very fast.  I've become quite skeptical of the value of temporary employment considering I have done so much of it in my earlier professional history.  But maybe this time will be different.  That is what I tell myself to keep myself seeing my future in the most positive way possible.

While on the bus on the way to work this morning I crafted a statement in which I request a reduction in my student loan debt by virtue of the fact that I was living with a health condition that was not successfully (in other words fully) treated despite all my past efforts to do so.  EMDR and the shamanic journey work I did last November made all the difference.  I feel very much reborn now.

The content of my statement appears below.  I include it here simply for the purpose of inspiring any others who might feel overwhelmed by their own experience of PTSD.  It is possible to recover.  It is possible to create a brand new life for yourself.  I am living proof that it is possible.  Courage, determination and tenacity are vital.

Have a great Friday!

And here is my statement...(this is not the finalized version I will send out)

I am writing to request the opportunity to negotiate the current balance on my student loan debt to a lower amount by virtue of the fact that I was affected by an unsuccessfully treated health condition for over thirty years.  It was not until last year (June, 2013 to be specific) that I entered treatment that ultimately led to successful treatment of my condition.  I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder on June 25, 2013.  I currently see Jeffry Jeanetta-Wark, LCSW for weekly sessions of psychotherapy.  The specific therapy he utilized in my treatment that I had never experienced before is called Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy.  Undergoing this treatment changed the quality of my life in a way I could never have imagined it would.

My Post Traumatic Stress Disorder developed in response to a series of traumas that first occurred very early in my personal development.  My mother developed schizophrenia as a young woman.  Her illness eventually precipitated the end of her marriage to my father.  She eventually moved back to Germany (she grew up in Germany and is a native citizen of that country) and has remained there to this day.  Though her own health did improve in response to therapeutic intervention she nonetheless has not lived a fully independent life.  She lives in a facility that provides care for those with mental illness who are capable of living semi-independent lives.

My mother’s breakdown into schizophrenia occurred when I was a very small child.  Being an unwitting witness to her deterioration laid the foundation for the anxiety disorder which I would go on to carry for over three decades.  My father later remarried.  Though his second marriage began nicely enough it ended when my stepmother made multiple attempts to murder my father.  My stepmother was never prosecuted for the crime due to corruption in the Carrollton, Texas Police Department.  The last attempt on my father’s life occurred in June, 1982.  My stepmother had two daughters; her daughters perpetrated physical and verbal abuse against me during the time of my father’s marriage to their mother.

Throughout the subsequent years of my life at home I carried this condition of PTSD but did not realize I was affected by it.  Despite some family counseling I attended with my father and second stepmother (my father remarried again in 1986) my condition was never successfully treated.  How can I make such a claim? As I think back on my life now all these years later I honestly cannot think of a time in which I was not feeling some level of anxiety which would be considered abnormally high for a healthy child.  I simply was not consciously aware of my anxiety.

After completing high school I went on to study atmospheric science at Texas A&M University.  I completed my Bachelor of Science degree in August, 1995.  After graduation I took a different professional path and spent the next four years of my life giving generously of my time to a variety of populations of people.  I first served as a volunteer member of the Volunteer Service Community in Woonsocket, Rhode Island from September, 1995 to June, 1996.  I thereafter entered the Jesuit order of the Roman Catholic Church where I would spend the next three years of my life.  I left the order in May, 1999 and relocated to California to pursue a new life outside of the Catholic Church.  During those three years of my life I worked with numerous often marginalized or underserved populations of people including Native Americans, inner city youth and the elderly.

Since May, 1999 I have returned to school twice.  I have two masters degrees.  I obtained my first degree from Naropa University in May, 2006.  More recently I completed a masters degree in international environmental policy at the Monterey Institute of International Studies (May, 2011).  I emerged from that degree program into the worst economy that has ever existed in my life history.  Despite my excellent skills and extensive professional experience I still have not found a job that is commensurate with my abilities.

During all the years of my adulthood until last year I was still carrying around this condition of PTSD.  Despite working with other health care providers (psychiatrists and psychologists) my condition was never successfully completely treated.  The modalities of treatment simply were not completely effective.  Then, as I referenced above, I discovered EMDR.  It changed my life in a most dramatic way.

I have given years of my life in service to others with no monetary compensation.  Organizations I have given my time to more recently include the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (Silver Spring, MD and Monterey, CA), the Wild Salmon Center (Portland, OR), the Otter Project (Monterey, CA), and the Diversity Center (Santa Cruz, CA).

The crushing weight of my student loan debt is like a millstone around my neck.  Though my therapist determined me to no longer be clinically diagnosable for PTSD as of late January, 2014 this in no way means I am done with my therapeutic treatment.  I do not know how long it will take for me to no longer meet any criteria for PTSD according to the DSM V.

Given the burden of my early life history which was completely beyond my control as well as my commitment to my professional development and career as evidenced by my extensive education and numerous internship experiences (which have unfortunately not yet led me to meaningful employment) I find it not unreasonable to request some degree of reduction in my student loan debt.  I would further cite my minimal (and I believe justified) confidence that Congress and much of the people in positions of influence in this country will actually do anything substantive to address the very deep problems plaguing our country for the last many years as yet another argument in support of my request.  I would like to believe our elected officials are committed to the concerns of all Americans, including deeply indebted former students like myself who are not exactly young people just starting out.

I am willing to provide any and all documentation of my medical and professional history in support of my request.

I appreciate your consideration of my request and look forward to hearing from you soon.