Wednesday, May 13, 2015


Wednesday, May 13, 2015

I am picking up on my Values Alphabet writing again today.

Detachment is not an easy 'value' for me to write about.  I suppose I find it challenging because detachment strikes me as a word with an emotionally distant connotation.  Perhaps there are both unhealthy and healthy forms of detachment.  I think healthy detachment is an attitude we can carry about life where we take actions to achieve our goals in the hope of moving in the direction of our greatest and wildest dreams but do not allow ourselves to get overly caught up in the results of our efforts.  Sometimes our best efforts do not pan out.  Unhealthy detachment seems to be something like an aloofness that doesn't allow a person to experience intimacy or closeness.

I sense that untreated trauma can lead a person to employ any number of coping mechanisms.  And unhealthy detachment is but one of them.  When we have been deeply hurt it can be very easy to erect psychic walls to minimize the risk of being hurt again in the future.  And so we might begin to cope through a practice of unhealthy detachment.

Detachment and attachment are, I believe, closely related to the issue of boundaries.  When we are exceedingly detached from the world around us there is an unhealthy boundary at work.  Nothing much can affect our psyches because we are not really emotionally present.  The opposite side of the spectrum can be problematic as well.  Attaching our happiness to as yet unrealized results can render our peace of mind hostage to circumstances well beyond our control.  Somewhere in between these two extremes is a good middle path .

I continue to seek my own middle path each and every day.  That grief and sadness I have written about many times is still there inside my heart.  But the joy of a new life made more exuberant and vibrant by my deep personal exploration within the supportive container of therapy is something that also characterizes my life now.  There are some days when it feels as if I am (still) stumbling along.  But more and more I feel as if I am coming into my own now.

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!