Sunday, December 7, 2014

Searching For An Open Door

Sunday, December 7, 2014

This next week promises to be an important week.

I have lately felt myself to be wearing out from my all the efforts I am making to improve my life.  I am not seeing the results I want to experience.  So I guess one of two issues are at play.  Or perhaps there are two issues to deal with.  I am either being impatient or I am going about the process of changing my life in a way that could stand some improvement in my strategy.  Or perhaps both are true.

I find myself growing weary of the grief I feel due to my estrangement from my family.  I suppose a more mature perspective is starting to replace the perspective I had held for such a long time.  I am starting to notice how my attitude about my disappointment is changing.  I realize there are many, many people out there with whom I can potentially create rewarding personal and professional relationships.  It's not as if my family of origin are the only people in the world.  I can choose to move on.  I can choose to reach out to other people and create a family of my own.  And it's important that I remind myself that I have done this before.  I know how to do this!  I already have the skill necessary to create healthy relationships.  I just need to improve upon my existing ability to cultivate relationships.

I have learned a lot about the virtue of patience these last eighteen months.  Patience is definitely a personal quality I needed to develop more of.  And I have.  Now I find myself doing that sometimes delicate dance between patience and expectations.  When have I worked hard enough and been patient enough such that my expectation of results is completely reasonable?  I feel I have reached that point.
So where are the results?

I have been engaged in a job search process for nine months now.  I left the workforce for a period of approximately nine months.  I have since been working for a period of equal length.  So now I find myself reaching a significant milestone in my process of recovery.  That time when I was living outside of the active workforce is now receding quickly into the deep past.  It no longer feels strange to actually work.  It would feel strange if I was not working.  It's obvious I have come a long way from where I was six, nine and twelve months ago.

I can't seem to find open doors of substantive opportunity.  I have people helping me with my search process.  But I haven't had any good results yet.  When will the results I want finally manifest?

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!