Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Creating Calm

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

I am feeling quite pleased with how my day has unfolded so far.  My most important achievement of my day is my success in maintaining a cool disposition during the judicial hearing I was obliged to participate in this morning.  The hearing was held in response to my appeal of a Minnesota Department of Employment and Economic Development (DEED) decision in which it was ruled that I was overpaid unemployment benefits.

I recently wrote about this hearing here in my blog.  I had quite a visceral reaction when I first received the notice of Minnesota DEED's ruling regarding the question of past benefits I had received.  I felt very upset and irritated.  I was upset because it became apparent that I would be required to appeal the decision if I wanted to challenge the ruling.  And even if I had had the money in question to spare to give back to Minnesota DEED I still would have contested the ruling.  I was angered by the ruling because it seemed virtually no amount of suffering was seen as sufficient to justify my decision to quit a position which I have now not held in over sixteen months.  And so I found myself confronted with the unfortunate reality that I would need to dredge up a painful portion of my past.

I would like to believe that the hearing went well.  As I already noted I succeeded at maintaining a calm and cooperative demeanor.  Regardless of how the judge ultimately rules I can consider my success in remaining calm to be a significant achievement.  You could perhaps even consider it an indicator of how far I have come in my own healing process.  I did not emerge from the hearing feeling re-traumatized.  The judge has a thirty day window of time to render his decision on the matter.  It is thus entirely possible that my Christmas and New Year's Day could be a bit clouded with uncertainty if this issue is still unresolved at that time.  It is perhaps thus a blessing that I don't really have the time to think about this matter too much.

As for today I am pleased that the stressor of this hearing is now in the past.  I sincerely hope I will not have to relive any elements of the summer of 2013 again.

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I invite you to accompany me as I document my own journey of healing. My blog is designed to offer inspiration and solace to others. If you find it of value I welcome you to share it with others. Aloha!