AND HYPERDRIVE SPEED….NOW!

Thursday, November 13, 2014

It seems almost implausible that I have accomplished as much as I have in the amount of waking time I have had today thus far.  It’s only shortly after 3 pm and I have already managed to do the following today:

• Put away the majority of my laundry which I finally washed four days ago
• Clean up my kitchen (a little bit)
• Eat lunch downtown
• Do an interview at the University of Minnesota
• Get offered and accept the job I interviewed for (I start Monday, November 17th at 9 am)
• Go back downtown to meet with my vocational placement assistance at 2 pm
• Hop on the bus to go see my therapist for a 4 pm appointment

The cold weather (it’s barely 20F here) has made it additionally challenging to be so busy.  I would rather not be dashing about all over the Twin Cities when the weather outside feels truly frightful.    But I suppose I am getting into the holiday spirit now because I have the phrases of popular holiday songs already running through my mind (“Oh the weather outside is frightful…”).  The weather outside truly is a bit frightful for mid November.  Area lakes have not yet frozen over but considering how long temperatures are expected to be sub-freezing (maybe for the next eight days?) the lakes will not remain completely liquid for long.

I am excited because it appears I am finally managing to put my life back together again.  I am finally (again) leaving the realm of excessive financial distress.  Maybe that will help reduce the number of hairs turning silver on my head on a daily basis.

I actually don’t believe that stress causes accelerated graying of hair.  But excessive stress can certainly be associated with unprecedented hair loss.  I once had a friend who experienced immense hair loss that co-occurred with a move to the United States from another country.  Excessive stress really sucks.

In a little more than twenty-four hours the Mister Minneapolis Eagle contest will begin.  I have two competitors to face off with in the contest.  I am actually feeling quite confident that I have a good chance of winning.  I learned a lot from competing last year.

If I do win the contest my time management skills are going to become more crucial than ever.  I feel as if I have already been living the life of a titleholder in the last two weeks.  It can be very demanding.

More broadly speaking I still feel the sadness of my estrangement from my paternal family of origin.  And yes, I even feel grief mixed in with the sadness.  But it is improving over time.  I can feel myself gradually moving on.  The process of creating a new life for myself is an engaging, demanding and distracting occupation.  Perhaps one day there will be a healing in my relationship with my father and my father’s family.  I do not know.  But I will no longer hold out false hope that this will happen.  There are many, many people I can create relationships with in this world.  There are billions of them!

And so, in a sense, my life is different and yet the same.  I am excited and feeling hopeful about my future.  And yet there is the sadness that still fills my heart.  Writing each and every day is quite helpful.  As I have noted many a time before here in this blog I felt quite a bit of skepticism that I would successfully be so diligent in writing.  But my diligence shows that change is indeed possible.

My work as an advocate for trauma recovery has given me cause to make friends with a lot of people.  A friend (whom I still have not met in person) who especially inspires me is Michele Rosenthal.  Her dedication to providing resources for those whose lives have been impacted by trauma is truly impressive.  It would be very interesting to meet her.

Regardless of whether I win the contest this weekend I plan to continue my freelance advocacy work.  I expect to continue to write this blog.  I suspect it will begin to assume a different form as my own recovery progresses and the time for me to attend therapy gradually nears an end.  When will that time come?  Again I cannot say.  I believe I will be quite well adjusted and very high functioning in another six months.  If I could somehow manage to attend therapy for another full calendar year (until the approximate end of 2015) I believe I will find myself in a very good place. 

If I do win the contest this weekend I would like to make trauma recovery advocacy a central focus of how I would serve the local community.  There is a lot of work to be done.  With sufficient support as well as a balanced life marked by relatively equal measures of work and play I feel I can accomplish a lot.  Regardless of what happens this weekend I truly believe 2015 is going to be my best year yet!

Post Script

Fifty Day Challenge, Day #49

Healthy activities today:

• I enjoyed a soothing cup of hot tea this morning
• I interviewed for a job and accepted an offer for the job when it was offered
• I am meeting with my therapist today
• I am (hopefully) going to be attending a lecture regarding German history and the Berlin Wall (assuming I can make it on time)
• I am going to bed at a reasonable hour so I can be well prepared for the upcoming contest weekend